And Then A Dark Cloud Reappeared

-
I was just informed that do to a series of events recent months regarding my oldest nephew, he will not be able to stay with us for Summer Break. For the past 10 years we have had him over for his entire summer, and often his entire spring, thanksgiving, and Christmas breaks too. It is incredibly hard not to imagine him being around this year. Last summer during my deep depression having him around was one of the strongest reasons I didn't do anything crazy. He is a blast to have around. We play games, have movie marathons, joke around, fight like cats and dogs (and get over it), and talk. He is just such a good kid, he makes us feel appreciated, lifts our spirits, and is just a joy to have over.

It's not like I'll never see him again, it just won't be often and likely won't be for an extended period of time. It feels like I'm mourning his presence though, it really hurts and it's scary to think about not having him around. It's so funny, every time after he leaves it takes us about 4 days just to adjust that he is gone, and me and my mom will reminisce  in highlights from that most recent stay. I always felt like he'd come to stay just in time to even me out mentally, and he didn't even know it.

I'm truly devastated about this news, and it honestly hasn't set in yet. i was hoping to go walking with him at the park this year, he has really been proud of me on this weightloss journey and would have loved to help me out, because he is awesome. Now summer, along with the other breaks will be so empty. I just don't know how I will deal.

It may sound pathetic, here I am 27 years old and strung out on not being able to hangout with my adolescent nephew. But I do not have many things in life to look forward to, and this was something I had and I enjoyed. I know I matter to my nephew, I know he likes having me around. He's like the little brother I never had. Now what do I have to look forward to?

Popular posts from this blog

Move Along Move Along, Just To Make It Through

-
Image
The title, lyrics from one of my favorite bands and one of my favor songs, The All-American Reject's Move Along . It randomly popped up in my head at just the right time. I'm not going to give up, I pretty much see how sort of ridiculous my feelings have been the last 48 hours. Lifestyle changes are not easy, it took me 27 years, 27 years of gradually weight gain to put me here, and its not going to be lost over night, not even in a year, but a lot can be done in a year, more in two, and so on, and so on. I have to keep sight of what I want, and that is to be thinner, happier and healthier. Going back to work will be a new obstacle Ill have to adjust to, Ill have to endure the looks, the stares, the embarrassment, Ill have to live through my worst fears all over again, but I know these are the last of them, these are the final years of these bad experiences. Because I'm going to continuing losing weight, and the people and actions that intend to bring me down, will, but won
Read more

Weigh-in: Seeking Redemption Cove

-
So here we are, it's Monday. Time to weigh-in, after a week of overindulging on calorie packed bakery cookies and skipping on exercising and not to mention Saturday in its entirety,  I have come into this weigh-in with realistic sense of dread. Last week I weighted 357.6. This week I weigh 354.4 . So that actually turns out to be a loss of 3.2lbs. So how did this happen? Well I honestly didn't eat dinner for the last four days, so that probably plays a slight role. Like I said a in previous post I've been in an odd place mentally, and I've taken some steps back depression wise. I decided to skip dinner since Thursday part of it was because I was trying to compensate for the damage I'd already done throughout the week, and another part was just the depression making it too easy for me not to have any appetite. The plan for the week is still to reach R edemption C ove , I'm quite uncertain if this is possible to be honest. I'm quite unmotivated and still men
Read more

Crumbling Cookie

-
Well I found out early today that my brother wouldn't quite be making his debut today because he would have to make several bus trips over several days. This somehow eased my anxiety, I mean why not? For the time-being I'll take prolonging the inevitable, which historically worsens my anxiety . I was told he wouldn't be making it here until around Friday, however later in the day, near the end,  I'm told there has been a miscalculation and he will be home sometime tomorrow. Anxiety currently sky high. Tomorrow will be quite the test, I am quite thankful that I have therapy on the same day, as my mind keeps going to dark places I have actually entertained the possibility of voluntary commitment, of course it would likely derail weight loss and what's the point of being committed if it's just going to make you worse off? Then I'll just end up in a worse off state where I end up on involuntary terms . In other news I had a doctors appointment today, it'
Read more

Archive

Show more