Funeral Attire!

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I did a lot of searches and inquiries the last few days I think the funeral is out. The attire. I simply will not show up and be the one person out of dress code, sorry but no! I cannot,  I already stick out,  I don't need one more reason, I don't want to be the bright neon elephant in the room I can not fathom it simply cannot. I don't have dress shoes, I don't have a single solid black shirt. And don't get me started with button ups! This is a nightmare! Ugh my disgusting horrible obesity and gross size is going to hold me back from this because of my lack of wardrobe! Cloths in my size are expensive and up until a few years ago I rarely even left the house, I didn't need any range of cloths, I only needed casual. I would never have even considered a funeral a year ago. But here I am trying and failing to change, I feel so disgusting. The past week I've found it harder than ever to look in the mirror especially with that revelation. I feel like disgust incarnate. These past few weeks have just been snowballing (I'm tired of saying this so often, I can't recall if it was getting better, now). I hate the idea of not going because of clothes, but  I will become completely undone by the pressure while there if everyone(and of course they will let's be serious!) is in proper dress attire except me.

[Update]
I'm not going. I've already informed my father. There was no wining outcome for me. :(

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