Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Ive decided to go to bi-weekly weigh-ins, therefore I won't be weighing in this coming Monday. This is just for mental health measures. A bad weigh-in simply wreaks havoc on my entire week, so now this new system is in place to kind of balance me out. I'm not particularly fond of weeks where I maintain, but I tend to handle them well, however when I gain everything hits the fan. I'm not sure if I've ever gained weight two weeks in a row, at least not in the current year. This new system ideally should ensure that I don't see the numbers go up unless it's muscle related, (and granted even determining that's a tricky slippery slope) Suddenly it's October it's that time of the year where I begin realizing what I actually won't be able to achieve by the end of the year and my anxiety takes the wheel. Somehow we are on the precipice of a new year already, in just 3 months it's over.  I'm still in the high 300s, in terms of numbers I cert...

All this so called progress, just to potentially go so many steps back because of those crushing words...                   Today was a pretty good day up until that point. I came home this morning after spending the night over at Nick and Melissa's. I only just came out to them that night, it went perfect, as far as coming out goes it's been a incredibly smooth process. Everyone has been great about it. I came home this morning knowing I had to see my psychiatrist and my therapist. When I seen my psychiatrist and caught her up to date on things she was quite thrilled with how I've progressed, it's quite funny, I immediately thought of comments on the blog here as she said how I've come a long way, she was particularly pleased to see that I'm noticing faults like my distorted thinking and things like weigh-in day (which are Mondays) effecting my week. I've never seen my psychiatrist that happy, it ...

It's been an interesting weekend, yesterday I chopped my beard because I thought it was making my face look bigger. I was looking at selfies from a few months ago and a more recent one and I could swear the recent one looked 50lbs heavier. This is rather interesting development because the last time I cut my beard I cut it because I thought my beard made my face look thinner, and I didn't  want that false impression being sent out into the world. However after cutting it this time I was just in a bad place, maybe I just don't like my face I don't know. This picture is from February, when I thought it was making my face thinner. It  accentuates my chin, and conceals my double chin, while outlining my face creating the illusion of definition. Yesterday I also got around to going to see my father at the assisted living home, that wasn't as awkward as expected. Seems I've moved pasted the resentment I've had towards him. It was a pleasant visit. I stay...

So the numbers don't lie, I may have problems with how I look overall but the data is clear (and honestly it's harder to admit than you'd think) I've lost weight over 170+ LBS in the last year 200+ overall. Those are some rather high numbers and some might  might find this kind of loss inspiring. I know there was a time in my life when I simply thought that I reached a point of no return, that there was simply no way to lose the weight without radical intervention. I'm talking a surgical procedure, some type of one-off competition tv show or some other extreme measure. I felt hopeless. Somehow at my lowest point I decided I wanted a different life than what I'd been experiencing and it started with losing weight from what seemed an impossibly high starting point, but I couldn't wait for the lbs to lose themselves. So I took action like I had many times before, but knowing it could not end up like the many times I tried before, this had to be different, I...