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Showing posts from February 1, 2015

I CouldntThink Of A Decent Title

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Its Saturday, the day that begins the weekend reset. I'm ready for next week, today I really don't have anything planned, Ill be applying for some more jobs, I might have a movie marathon later on I'm not sure. I have switched from scrambled to boiled eggs. Personally Ive only enjoyed eggs scrambled, which technically is considered fried? I never called them fried eggs, but in an attempt to make healthier  eating decisions for now on, the eggs I have for breakfast will be boiled, and honestly its not so bad, boiled eggs have such an interesting consistency/texture. I have a weeks worth of multivitamins I plan to take next week, but it has some system, its a pack with like 6 different pills and its a whole thing. They are from some GNC Vitapak, I may not actually end up using them, and just end up getting some regular non-complicated vitamins.

So next week I will be incorporating the video at the end of the post into my daily workouts. Today I was walking past my mother as …

Move Along Move Along, Just To Make It Through

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The title, lyrics from one of my favorite bands and one of my favor songs, The All-American Reject's Move Along. It randomly popped up in my head at just the right time. I'm not going to give up, I pretty much see how sort of ridiculous my feelings have been the last 48 hours. Lifestyle changes are not easy, it took me 27 years, 27 years of gradually weight gain to put me here, and its not going to be lost over night, not even in a year, but a lot can be done in a year, more in two, and so on, and so on. I have to keep sight of what I want, and that is to be thinner, happier and healthier. Going back to work will be a new obstacle Ill have to adjust to, Ill have to endure the looks, the stares, the embarrassment, Ill have to live through my worst fears all over again, but I know these are the last of them, these are the final years of these bad experiences. Because I'm going to continuing losing weight, and the people and actions that intend to bring me down, will, but won…

A Little More Personal

2/4/2015

In 2012 I started working for Target for a year after deciding to take time off from university. My life was going nowhere and in 2011 I decided to go back to school, but my social anxiety and crippling low self esteem made the experience awful. I stuck out like a sore thumb and I knew it and often it's all I could focus on. I had to get out of there. So after a year I decided to "break" and eventually got a job at target. I hated it and loved it. What I loved about target was my coworkers, I feel like I'll never be so fortunate to have another team of people so genuinely nice, and fun to work with. What I didn't like was the chronic pain I was in from standing. After standing for about 45 minutes each shift my feet would become inflamed and a tremendous pain would overcome me.

Working 3 to 7 hours was excruciating, it made my life miserable and hindered my work experience. It would take a week for my feet to recover from just a days work, so when I wor…

This week is a failure

Do to car troubles I'm stuck here another day, I won't be home till noon tomorrow. Basically my week is a flop, no exercising so far and I'm just kind of all over the place about it. I feel too self conscious about working out in front of people, it sucks! February I was supposed to get results and I've started it off with a fizzle. Everything about this is just crap I know. I'm ready to put this week behind me, and slay the rest of the month, but as it stands Ive got a dark cloud hovering me this week. Bad decisions were made, I can't put myself in this situation ever again. My new life is at stake. Trying to be strong while feeling weak is rough, I'm been fighting myself from reverting to the old me that would have decided by now, because of my errors this week, the whole journey is a failure and quit. Sorry for anyone I'm letting down with my less than stellar week and behavior.

Meh

I'm still at my buddies I will be leaving tomorrow. I didn't do my miles yesterday, or today. And my eating has been off, not terrible, I wouldn't even say bad, but just off. I don't think I'll be coming as much and as long in the future. I don't think my lifestyle change is taken seriously enough, I feel encouraged to slip. I definitely perform  100% better at home, I could make better choices here, but it's like the temptation is built into the walls.  I like hanging with my friends (I think) but not at the cost of moving backwards, I promise guys it's back to business tomorrow.

Here's some good news, some TMI. One of the reasons I used to hate coming here were the toilet. They are comically small, and freakishly low to the ground. Uncomfortable doesn't begin to explain my discomfort. This discomfort now has drastically changed into something a lot more civilized and I owe it all to what I've been doing the past month. So February is off t…

The Aftermath

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Well yesterday was the big game, and I must say I had a good time. There were some dudes on the field throwing a bowl and running from time to time before and after the halftime show, and between commercial breaks. Never mind that, the food was the nights real main event, honestly it was mostly dips, velvetta cheese dip with some kind of salsa infusion, skyline chili dip (an Ohio thing), there were also mini chicken quesadillas, bbq meatballs and a special veggie dish because, they took into account my diet (I was quite blown away by this).

I had an early breakfast Sunday, bacon, eggs, toast. I skipped lunch because, duh, I was to take precautions in case I indulged in the Super Bowl delights, and sadly I did. I started off good, a few celery sticks and some peanuts, later I opted to try the dips, I basically had two servings of the Velveeta dip (with corn tortilla chips), and i tried a mini quesadilla (no beuno). At first I thought I kind of over did it, but then I thought about wh…

Superbowl Sunday

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Its the day of the biggest sporting event of the year, the Superbowl, and I'm going to a buddies Superbowl party. Ive actually been having second thoughts about going, honestly if I hadn't already committed to going I wouldn't, but I think it would be rather rude not to show up at this point. It isn't the food, but I tend to just get a lot of anxiety when I know I'm going to be in a group of people, even if its people Ive known half my life. The fear of being judged is still present, and the fear of being introduced to new people is also scary because, again, Id worry I'm being judged, it could all be in my head, but the thoughts always there.

All the above being said, I'm going to try to have a good time, and enjoy myself and the commercials, and the company. It should be fun.I will be taking pictures, and maybe some videos so look forward to an update later on in the day, and if not Ill fill you guys in tomorrow on the festivities.

Please take a look at …