Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Last year about a month after I made this blog, I made an Instagram account by the same name. I wasn't sure if I was going to use the account often and I was nervous of the extra type of accountability especially considering at the time I did not know my exact numbers. I only uploaded 3 pictures during that the entire year. Having developed body dysmorphic disorder, that would keep me away from sharing pictures on such a platform. A year later I decided to take a look at the weight loss community on Instagram, yes, that's a thing. It was last year as well, but to a seemingly much less degree. It seems to have really exploded in the last year. I decided to upload to older pictures of me, currently there isn't a single picture of me on the account  from this year. That just feels safer, what I did notice while going through my cloud service to get some pictures of me was that I did actually notice a difference between two pictures from last year from as little time as Febru...

I decided to go to the BBQ after all, we arrived there after 2pm on Monday there were quite a lot of people there, most of which I didn't know. My brother and the nephews were already there. My brother took us around and introduced us to the people we didn't know, which was  sort  of a nightmare for me, but everyone was super nice and respectable which made that part all the more easier for me. My mom made her way to a table with the ladies, the kids were having a blast jumping on a giant trampoline, there was a table with a group gentlemen I had been introduced to, which I made sure to avoid sitting at. There were two guys manning two separate  large grills. I found my way to a empty picnic table in the far back of the backyard, all to myself, nice and secluded, well secluded enough. My youngest nephew soon joined me for awhile. More people started showing up, and introducing themselves. At some point my brother came to talk to me about various things, some about h...

Well after a solid week of exercise and eating, it's time to see the results. Last time I stepped on the scale I weighted 398.3, this week I weigh 394.6 I lost 3.7lbs. Not bad, this is currently a new peak low. Times like this I really wish I had my own Planet Fitness  gym membership, could likely really get results. Some family is having a barbecue/cookout today at my nephews moms parents house, so my 2 younger nephews and my brother and probably a bunch of people I don't know will be there. I originally didn't plan on going, but now I'm getting the feeling that my mother doesn't want to go alone so I've been reconsidering.... This week I'll cut out chip snacks, last week I was actually very good about not over indulging, I decided to put  some in  sandwich bags by serving size and have one a day. This week though I'm cutting them out. Think I'll make this week a reading week, see how far I can get in my book. I'm going to try looking in ...

People defend celebrities regularly by saying that we cant imagine what they go through being famous;  being watched, and harassed all the time depending on there level of fame. That we cant imagine what it would be like to be under a microscope all the time. Obesity is a lot like being celebrity plenty of the time, except without the admiration, the adoring fans, the fame, or the fortune. Instead its all ridicule, its looks of shock, appall, its turning and pointing, its laughing at you right in your face, its less than discrete offense insults. What this does to someones mind after years of being subjected to this, that is in fact what people cant imagine. You start to live by a different set of rules and ideas. Everything takes a certain level of calculation, a calculation that you  that you never seem to get right. In a perfect world someone who is obese could walk down a grocery store isle and not have to feel insecure that someone might make an insecure  gesture t...

I'm nervous about this week, a number of reasons most of them odd. There's tomorrow's weigh-in, I need to do blood work, I need to make an MRI appointment ( the same one from months ago I never made ), there's that cookout I'm planning on skipping as well,  plus the mundaneness to my days that I'm just sick of looking forward to. I exercised 5 days last week. I did the 2 mile multi-muscle indoor walk four days, and one day I bumped up to the 3 mile. The 3 mile which Is immediately more intense than the two mile, I wasn't sure if I'd finish it but I did. I got to a point though where I basically had blown out my shoulders, it was rather painful todo movements that involved going over my head, and lifting my arms at times was difficult. Once the countdown clock got  to 20mins  I became hit and miss and sluggish with certain arm activities. I still managed to get through the entire work out, but I was pretty much aching all over. I did that Thursday, the ...