Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Really it should come as both little , and quite the surprise that I've been looking into weightloss surgery again . I've been strongly opposed for years and my opinion has only slightly altered. Because of my gaining woes, because of the feeling that I've run out of time and that I've wasted so much already. I feel like I need to give it more consideration. It won't solve my problem with emotional eating or binging. Or my still not quite right connection with food. The idea of giving up or even taking extended-required breaks from my favorite foods is challenging. I never want to not be able to eat a whole pizza, I never not want to be able to binge. These are the tools to my survival, incredibly unhealthy tools. Part of me is afraid to give them up, perhaps they are they last part of myself I can actually identify. I'm already a disaster story, a precautionary tale. The guy that lost so much weight and then gained it back. What if I became one of those st...

Amidst the chaos I hadn't realized we silently crept into March, the 3rd month of the year. Feels like I'm still stuck in February, its hard to grasp the reality of it. February was turbulent to say the least, with each week seemingly become more catastrophic. I'm failing this weight loss journey and that hurt, it hurts me in my core, it hurts me all around. This was the first year in so long I set goals for myself, for the time maybe ever that I truly set out to change my life for the good, for good. February was suppose to be the month that I really started seeing results, like visually, I was suppose to be able to look at myself and go yeah, I'm losing weight for sure . But that hasn't happened, every little success is surrounded in doubt, because I just cant see it, and if I cant see it, no one else can. Its March, and this month is looking like its going to be absolute hell, I have no idea how I will manage. I just don't know how long I can feel lik...

What a week its been, another week of the 3 mile formula and it was full of mostly ups. Yesterday I wrote how I got a goods night sleep and the day felt promising, and it was a great day. I did my full 3 mile walk yesterday, and was so incredibly proud of myself, I was unsure how it would go leading up to it, but once I got started I knew I had what it took to get it done. Had to push myself, sometimes it feels like I knock the first mile out fast, yesterday was not one of those days, but I got through it, and the second, and the third. It seemed like I sweat more during that session than I have any single day that past four weeks, at least that's how it seemed. So if we take a look at the numbers last week I did a grand total of  13 miles, the most week sum yet, but the month is officially over so lets combined my total miles. Week 1: one mile a day. Week 2: two miles a day. Week 3: a mixed bag because I was sick, but it equaled to the week before. And this week I did 3 mile...