Brandon, Who Lives At Home

I didn't recover from Sundays blow. I started to eat off track and more often, things I shouldn't have. Slowly old habits started reforming. I had some cookies, a whole package, been taking meds later and later, mind slipping to even bleaker thoughts. I was up 24hrs. I see the signs of total relapse, the skipping medication, and not drinking my water are major indicators. I'm going to attempt to stop this.  But as of this writing I don't feel good about my prospects. 500lbs could be in my future. I got a new water bottle that same infamous Sunday, held 67 ounces. Loved it. ...Left it at an appointment Wednesday. I really beat myself up over this for some reason. It just made me a lot more enthusiastic about getting my water in and actually showed the water ounces on the side. I gained 5 lbs over last weekend, I knew it was water weight but it still sent me into a mental spiral. I knew I should not have looked at the scale. I've been feeling weak, tired, joints ...

Sunday I went to the outlet mall with a friend and it was anything but ideal. I don't normally go to a place like that but for some reason I decided to go that day and it was almost a worst-case scenario type of deal. I was definitely getting some pretty hard and very obvious stares at me, some people were just being outright rude there were two separate incidents with groups where there was one single person who was just staring at me and then they turn to their friends and whisper something and the whole group would turn tolook at me. I just pretended like it didn't bother me or that I didn't notice and by the time I got out of that whole mall I was just kind of ready to deflate. It was just an awful experience and I really haven't had one that bad in... really years and its just you reminder of how far I've fallen from grace and how no one really knows what you're trying to do. I remember  saying this years ago probably, on this blog and also to my ...