Showing posts from October 8, 2017

Bender day 3

Well it's day 3 of my descent into failed weight loss, total regain, precautionary tale. I've put two overloaded peanut butter and jelly sandwiches down my gullet, a banana and a yogurt. But who's keeping track lol. I'm not too scarred of going back to be 600lbs at the moment. Perhaps my time losing was only ment to be temporary. Like taking a college campus our. I was just here to get an idea of the experience but at the end of the day, go back home.

My plan is to binge out on chips today, buy a box of half dozen donuts and eat them all. And have a nice pizza for dinner


*This has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now and even though my recent post pretty much summed everything up. This does s better job*

I haven't posted much over the last several months mostly cause I have such little to say and feel so unmotivated to write. That being said, its been many highs and lows, my current weight is 324. I could be out of the 300s if not for the cycle of binge eating and desatructive restricting loop I got myself stuck in. Anytime ive been this close to breaking out of the 320s I do something that rockets me back into the 330s for weeks.

I think a large part of my lack of motivation is that I just don't feel like someone who has lost 200lbs and that's because all of my clothes are old, even the smaller stuff I have is old, it was either my brothers or my friends, but I really haven't had that moment where its like "wow." Me and my therapist were talking about this for several weeks, I really need a new wardrobe. I just cant affor…

The Dog Days Of Autumn

I've gone off the deep end. My weight has continued to yoyo because every time I get to a near new low, I immediately derail. Currently I've been on a two day long binge-eating bender. I can't seem to resist the urge to over indulge in sugary foods. Then once I do all bets are off I'm gulping down anything and everything.

My once patented ironclad willpower, gone, perished. Now I'm in limbo, I'm depressed and frustrated and I don't know if I can keep this up. I've been considering just diving back into the loving accepting arms of food.

I'm just in a place right now where either I'm fully in or fully out and I've been out for 2 days now and one foot out for weeks before that.

Well the good news I'm back to blogging.