Brandon, Who Lives At Home

I didn't recover from Sundays blow. I started to eat off track and more often, things I shouldn't have. Slowly old habits started reforming. I had some cookies, a whole package, been taking meds later and later, mind slipping to even bleaker thoughts. I was up 24hrs. I see the signs of total relapse, the skipping medication, and not drinking my water are major indicators. I'm going to attempt to stop this.  But as of this writing I don't feel good about my prospects. 500lbs could be in my future. I got a new water bottle that same infamous Sunday, held 67 ounces. Loved it. ...Left it at an appointment Wednesday. I really beat myself up over this for some reason. It just made me a lot more enthusiastic about getting my water in and actually showed the water ounces on the side. I gained 5 lbs over last weekend, I knew it was water weight but it still sent me into a mental spiral. I knew I should not have looked at the scale. I've been feeling weak, tired, joints ...

Yesterday, was a good day overall, I hit an emotional low point at the end of the night, but my activities throughout the day were good. I did my 3 miles, I was going to incorporate the sitting exercises afterwards, and I tried, but a few minutes in I realized my chair, which as a big cushion, made me sink in and made it impossible for me to move my legs or body right because I was too low to the ground, so I put the breaks on that. I will attempt it with the kitchen chairs today though. I had leftovers for dinner, a delicious chicken, broccoli dish, I had been craving broccoli of all things for about a week so that meal went over well. I got to sleep late last night... after 2AM, and of course I woke up with back pain, and discomfort. My stomach was hurting quite badly, but I noticed last night I was having serious hunger pains which I ignored. I had a serving size of pretzels for breakfast to kind of settle my stomach, its been uneven all morning and I had to use the bathroom twice...

 2/4/2015 In 2012 I started working for Target for a year after deciding to take time off from university. My life was going nowhere and in 2011 I decided to go back to school, but my social anxiety and crippling low self esteem made the experience awful. I stuck out like a sore thumb and I knew it and often it's all I could focus on. I had to get out of there. So after a year I decided to "break" and eventually got a job at target. I hated it and loved it. What I loved about target was my coworkers, I feel like I'll never be so fortunate to have another team of people so genuinely nice, and fun to work with. What I didn't like was the chronic pain I was in from standing. After standing for about 45 minutes each shift my feet would become inflamed and a tremendous pain would overcome me. Working 3 to 7 hours was excruciating, it made my life miserable and hindered my work experience. It would take a week for my feet to recover from just a days work, so when I ...

With how things have been rough lately, yesterday in-particular, I set out to make sure I wasn't having another 2AM sleep debut. So I set a bedtime,  ten o'clock, I decided that's when Id go to bed, Id put on a couple episodes of King Of Queens and drift off, and so I did. I ended up waking up at 5am (I had to take the trash out anyways) and felt great, the pain I had been waking up with most of the week was not present. I had a nice bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and the day has begun. I don't know if 6 hours of sleep is good but its great for me, I haven't slept like that in quite a long time. My knee seems to be feeling much better too and the prospects for the day look promising.