Showing posts from October 23, 2016

Tim Tams

I'm just a little unwired this week. I obviously have a lot on my mind and I'm feeling the pressure of finding myself, finding  motivation, losing weight, but not just losing weight exiting the 300s, and just being more comfortable in my own skin. I know I'm gaining weight next week, entirely because I took in too much sugar.

A few weeks ago I discovered Tim Tams, I didn't know they were sold here, I've seen some of my favorite YouTubers try them when they were visiting Australia, where the chocolatey coookie snack originates. When I noticed they had rather plausible calories, sodium and you get two per-serving I decided to get a package. Over a week or so I made my way through them, eating two a day after dinner, they were the perfect desert, absolutely no guilt.  No risk of jeopardizing the scale.

The issue came when I figured I get another pack last week, but instead got in store bakery cookies because my nephew was with me and also there was a buy one get one f…

I Am Teaching Myself To Be Free

I've been in that familiar spot about support again, not that I don't have any but I'm just in weird place about general interest. My friends and family don't ask me "how's the weight loss going" general questions like that. When I know someone is interested or dedicated to something I make inquiries about it. That does not happen with me and people inquiring about my weight loss. This isn't distorted thinking this time, also separate  from not acknowledging the weight I've lost, but there is a difference and it bugs me. I'm not going backwards all of a sudden, I just realize I have to accept things the way they are.

I also have to accept that outside of my blog and Instagram, my friends and family aren't going to be a particularly great source of motivation (with the exception of the nephews). I get they are proud of what I've done but no one is really pushing me, and I could really use some pushing right now. Generic hollow motivati…


Listing the qualities of myself, because over time I've come to believe there is no good to me, that with every pound I gained I lost something in the process. This has resulted in powerful self-loathing that now I'm trying to change,  because of the roadblocks it's creating. Seems one can't hate them-self and continually think nothing but negative things about oneself without it manifesting into a bigger, more real problem. The real issue is progress, and happiness. The last half of this odyssey is going to need maximum efficiency, and consistency. I also need to truly believe in myself and actually value my accomplishments, and value myself.

Here are some of the good qualities about myself to remember.

Aware I have a mostly good sense of awareness in most situations, I'm certainly not a clueless person. I look, I see, I hear, basically I notice things. My attention to detail is rather good. I'm the type of person to notice when someone's hair is different …

Somewhere Between Sorrow And Bliss

Today was a rather loaded day. Knowing that it would be my last visit with my nutritionist had me doing some reflecting this morning and last night. When I had first begun seeing her I had just taken on some dangerous eating habits that easily put me in eating disorder territory, after meeting with her I began to re-frame things more, and broke those crazy low-hundred calorie intakes I was doing. All while learning more about nutrition and healthy eating habits.

She's definitely been one of my greatest and most enthusiastic supporters, which in the beginning was a bit of a pain, but I've always felt like she's gotten it. She's told me of issues some other overweight patients have as a result of their weight, but also the hard time they have trying to lose weight, and it really puts things into perspective. In the 11 months I've seen her I lost weight consecutively throughout, it's dropped every time I've seen her. She's always so proud of the loss no ma…

Weighing-in, A New Week

It's a new week, so much unfolded last week that Im just glad this is a new week. Although something in me is saying, no, this span of time is no different than the supposed week before it, it isn't in fact new, there are no weeks! Yeah, Im in a weird mood. I think a lot of things are catching  up with me.

Dog sitting wasn't a complete nightmare, but just a poop cleaning bonanza, which wasn't a blast. I survived it, Belle of The Ball remained as charming as ever, the new hellion dog revealed a few cute quirks of its own... Im still not a fan. There was nothing but junk food in the house over their, and I indulged a bit in stuff I should not have, there is usually temptation over there but it isn't typically all or nothing.

Today I weighed-in, I only worked out two times last week, dumbbell workout and the gym one day, courtesy of my friend. The second planned day of going didn't pan out, and I just dropped the ball with exercising, The planned cize workout fell…