Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Yesterday What a mixed bag of a day it was, my stomach was just a glorified mess yoyoing up and down. My eye appointment was miserable for the simple fact that the office seemed so unbearably humid to me.  I have new glasses arriving next week sometime, I tried out a few different frame styles but settled on some less busy black ones. I can't pull off cool just yet, maybe in another hundred and fifty pounds or so. Eating was a bit easier, again I had cereal, raisin bran, fasted till dinner and had chicken tenders and hash browns with cheese sauce (I live for that cheese sauce). I consumed a grand total of 1,348 calories. I met my sodium goal right on the nose. Today I'm feeling a bit better, that feeling in my stomach is still there but it has let up quite a bit. I slept a bit better too. My youngest nephew will be spending the day here, though my mom will be watching him this time. I'll be relaxing watching True Dectective, and enjoying my full calorie a...

Yesterday was sort of horrible. That dull sinking feeling in my stomach was more intense and was with me the entire day again. I was so uncomfortable, at one point I decided to take a nap, which lasted less than an hour. I did not have a fever, but this anchor feeling in my stomach reminds me of the flu. When I went walking with my friend I could tell I wasn't going to be able to walk the full track, in fact I had to stop and sit at a bench once because I was both exhausted and struggling to breathe. We did just over a mile total.bhad to cut it short. For breakfast I struggled through a bowl of raisin bran cereal, and honestly I felt so icky that I had planned to skip eating anything else the rest of the day, but I decided to have dinner after all. I had chicken tenders and fries. I consumed a grand total of 940 calories and was well below my sodium goal. It's not ideal I know. Today I had the worst nights sleep since I've been home from the hospital, in fact, I c...

Take a look at what I spotted along yesterday's walk. (My friend just about jumped out of his skin, lol) Yesterday I had another mostly enjoyable walk at the park with my friends, I was feeling a bit off, this sort of dull sinking feeling in my stomach remained with me the entire day. After our walk we stopped for lunch at Taco Bell, one of my all time favorite restaurants, my buddies got tacos, and chalupas, I settled for a frozen lemonade that was only 190 calories. For breakfast I had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, for lunch, that frozen lemonade and for dinner I had Salmon Egg Salad with Wheat Thins. I consumed a grand total of 1,461 calories and was just below my sodium. Today Im still feeling a bit off, I hope I'm not not coming down with something, yesterday was one of the first days in quite a while that I went to bed hungry. I didn't get to have much of that salmon salad because of the sodium content. I won't be having any of that today. Today wil...

Yesterday might have been my most successful day ever, here's why. Yesterday I went walking at the park again with my buddy, this time two more of our friends decided to tag along, they've been inspired by my recent progress. It was an incredibly fun walk and reminded me of when we were all kids, we were joking, laughing, having an all around good time. Yesterday my buddy Carlos (not pictured, because he took it) said to me "oh wow, you really are losing weight, that shirt is a bit too big on you now" I thanked him for the compliment but internally really just basked in it for a minute, it was incredibly gratifying. At our park there is a mechanical elliptical system, my friends and I all took turns trying it out, I was only on the thing for a minute but felt it in my upper legs the rest of the day! After we finished our walk the guys decided they wanted to have lunch, they were going to Penn Station East Coast Subs, and I declined at first, but one of...

Yesterday I was able to get in with my doctor yesterday for that follow up, after I seen my case manager. Turns out I was a bit premature on that follow up, to be fair I was  so shocked she had an opening same day that I just had to take it. The bad news is my blood pressure is still, in her words, over the roof . She increased one of my medications, I again have to follow up next week, if it's not in control by then she may add an additional medication! Me and my friend went walking yesterday, it was the first truly warm day, I was sweating like crazy! I also was feeling sluggish the entire walk (which might have been because of my blood pressure). We decided we are going to walk every day this week pending weather. I'm not sure about it honestly, my feet were hurting during yesterday's walk and are still sore today, I'm not sure if they are up for it, but unless I absolutely can't stand the pain, I will walk (pending weather). Yesterday for breakfast I h...

Let's start with a recap of yesterday per usual. For breakfast I had a bowl of weight watchers cereal, then I snacked, and snacked, and snacked some more (borderline binged). Barbecue corn chips, sour scream and onion potato chips, wheat thins, rice crisps and butter cookies, throughout the day. For dinner I had two fried pink salmon pattie sandwiches (with mustard) , and two hash brown patties (with entirely too much ketchup) . I consumed a grand total of 3,155 calories (cut it pretty close this time) . Today I was really concerned that my eating from this past weekend might effect today's weigh-in, I took in just an insane amount of sodium on both days, and had about a ton of sugar, all while staying below my default calorie goal of 3,680. So how did today's weigh-in go? Quite well. I'm actually blown away, I had to double check to be sure. Last week I weighted 514 pounds, this week..... 506! Down 7 pounds, I'm quite shocked by the results, I lost more...

(That isn't an accurate representation of my  current weight at all, that looks more like late 300s, early 400s, but I digress) The other day I wrote about a neat app called Visualize You ,  which it makes a thinner modification of your face. Well this morning I came across this website called ModelMyDiet and you put in your information and it essentially shows you a before and after visualization for your body. This one uses a 3D model to give you an idea of what your goal weight would looks like. You don't use any pictures, you just put in your digits and boom. In the grand scheme of things, it's rather generic final result, but it's the idea that counts. Something to look forward to maybe. The above picture are my results   (that isn't an accurate representation of my  current weight at all, that looks more like late 300s, early 400s, and the weight seems to be evenly distributed, yeah right! but I digress ) .

When my therapist told me she wanted me to say this aloud five times a day my first thought was that it was ridiculous. Obviously I'm willing to make changes in my life, one I was in therapy, and two (unknown to her) I'm on a weight loss journey, clearly I'm willing to change my life. As  I listen and really examine the sentence though, it's start to take on a deeper meaning. Just saying the words out loud in her office that first day was difficult, why? Likely because the way I think of myself, I'm embarrassed of myself, even to hear myself speak, I'm critical of myself, and think I can't do anything. I associate negative things with myself, saying something like I'm willing to make changes in my life is overtly positive, and hearing myself be positive is almost painful. I feel like I hear myself in 3rd person as a 3rd party the way I think society sees me. I'm hateful and critical, and embarrassed. I get humiliated by myself to myself, it'...

Yesterday was a rather uneventful day, I honestly can't recall doing anything specific at all (sigh). For breakfast I had some honey oats Weight Watchers cereal, for lunch had a ground chicken burrito and some chips, and for dinner I had another burrito with some rice crisps. I also snacked a lot on sugary foods... Last weekend when my mom made that chess cake (the one I swore I wouldn't indulge in) for my nephew, I sort of hid 3 pieces, and ate them yesterday, along with two very rich iced sugar cookies and a Tastykake Iced Honey Bun (not all at once). I totally went over the top  with the sweets. I consumed a grand total of 2,884 calories. Let's not even talk about sodium.... Today Today is the last day I'm allowing myself to eat my full calorie range, I noticed the other day in MyFitnessPal that I had the wrong height entered. I adjusted it and it gave me a slightly higher calorie goal from 3,610 to 3,680, so that's that. I feel like I've already ru...