Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Sunday I went to the outlet mall with a friend and it was anything but ideal. I don't normally go to a place like that but for some reason I decided to go that day and it was almost a worst-case scenario type of deal. I was definitely getting some pretty hard and very obvious stares at me, some people were just being outright rude there were two separate incidents with groups where there was one single person who was just staring at me and then they turn to their friends and whisper something and the whole group would turn tolook at me. I just pretended like it didn't bother me or that I didn't notice and by the time I got out of that whole mall I was just kind of ready to deflate. It was just an awful experience and I really haven't had one that bad in... really years and its just you reminder of how far I've fallen from grace and how no one really knows what you're trying to do. I remember  saying this years ago probably, on this blog and also to my ...

It's been rough getting back into the swing of things. In fact I really haven't. Perhaps I just recently got the motivation to put forth the effort, but I must come clean. I actually started the process of looking into WLS last year, it's been on going, but basically I've been going through the process to get it. However since the beginning I never decided if I actually wanted it though, I still struggled with the concept. I continued on with my appointments regardless, and I kept gaining weight. Quite a bit since October when I originally started the appointments. I had a recent visit with one of the physicians looking over the process and he basically told me that my insurance would never approve the surgery with the weight I've gained. I knew that discussion was going to come up but it was harder feeling the disappointment and confusion  from the doctor when he was going through a graph that showed my sharp incline. Did I ever want it? I think I wanted to ...

Interesting spaces, that's where I've been lately, in between. This is mostly good. I actually think I want to start try meditation, and making more of a point to read my books more. I've been in weird places about my image, from an all time most-content to, things that are or border self-deprecating. I get out of it. I'm a little eager for next months weight in, really hoping I break this 350 plateau, and see where I am at. I believe I was the subject of some sort of subtle body shaming very recently. I've seen this form before happen to others but it's a first to happen to me. Someone on Instagram left a comment on my Instagram that actually didn't say anything but instead tagged another user. Tagging another user in a comment so they will see a post isn't uncommon, however usually it's something of relevance, something viral, or whathaveyou. Of course the other end of that is trolling, and mocking and to make fun or shame, these things h...