Brandon, Who Lives At Home

How does your typical day begin? What tasks so you normally do, what people do you normally see? What places do you go, what kind of things keep you busy? "Is this my life?" I ask to myself way too often.  I have no hobbies,  and interests are slim. I've realized how much each day looks like the one before it. I'm mostly surrounded in the four walls that makeup my bedroom. I have my 3 meals, I read a few blogs, I watch various YouTube videos, I take naps to fight the overwhelming depression and anxiety at times, later in the day I do my indoor miles, I go to bed. Unless I have an appointment, or the nephews drop by, the formula doesn't change much. This is my existence. Truly it feels like I'm just living for the next weigh-in. I often try to forget that I am 28. I recently rediscovered my plans and aspirations for 2015 which I wrote December 8, 2014. Long before this blog came to be ( well not that long actually ). I don't know if I ever posted it.

Well, my brother didn't end making it to our house until around 9:30pm.  He stopped by to see the 3 other  nephews I don't see very often first for several hours. My other two nephews and their mom arrived at my house about 15 minutes before he did. The nephews eased my anxiety a tad. I was under the assumption my brother had gained quite a bit of weight. My mother and nephews mom had been making a big deal about the pant size my brother was wearing now when they had to go shopping for clothes for him several weeks back to prepare for his release. That was sort of a calming thought for some reason. There was a knock at the door, show time! It was my brother... And a cousin of mine, I actually didn't get off the couch (I probably should have mentioned I was in the living room with my nephews and my mom, and their mom awaiting, I felt like someone would have made a big deal if I had stayed in my room with my door shut during his debut) my cousin hugged me first for some re

Well I found out early today that my brother wouldn't quite be making his debut today because he would have to make several bus trips over several days. This somehow eased my anxiety, I mean why not? For the time-being I'll take prolonging the inevitable, which historically worsens my anxiety . I was told he wouldn't be making it here until around Friday, however later in the day, near the end,  I'm told there has been a miscalculation and he will be home sometime tomorrow. Anxiety currently sky high. Tomorrow will be quite the test, I am quite thankful that I have therapy on the same day, as my mind keeps going to dark places I have actually entertained the possibility of voluntary commitment, of course it would likely derail weight loss and what's the point of being committed if it's just going to make you worse off? Then I'll just end up in a worse off state where I end up on involuntary terms . In other news I had a doctors appointment today, it'

Last Week started strong and quickly  turned into a steaming pile of something less-than-useful . I had therapy Wednesday and decided to visit Nick and Melissa whom convinced me to dog-sit for them while they went camping. I really was not into the idea, but for some I agreed, mostly because their dog Belle is typically such low maintenance. They were suppose to leave Friday but left a day early, which immediately bugged me as it was not discussed with me until hours before they were to depart. So they left Thursday. Belle, which I've watched before a few months ago, kept using the bathroom in the house (their house) It was as if she completely had been   de- house-trained. I was incredibly frustrated by this as I quickly realized it wasn't the dogs fault, I easily see her sighs that she needs to go out. It's that her owners aren't taking her out enough and she's had so many "accidents" inside and it's becoming all to easy to pick up those familiar