Crumbling Cookie

Well I found out early today that my brother wouldn't quite be making his debut today because he would have to make several bus trips over several days. This somehow eased my anxiety, I mean why not? For the time-being I'll take prolonging the inevitable, which historically worsens my anxiety. I was told he wouldn't be making it here until around Friday, however later in the day, near the end,  I'm told there has been a miscalculation and he will be home sometime tomorrow. Anxiety currently sky high.

Tomorrow will be quite the test, I am quite thankful that I have therapy on the same day, as my mind keeps going to dark places I have actually entertained the possibility of voluntary commitment, of course it would likely derail weight loss and what's the point of being committed if it's just going to make you worse off? Then I'll just end up in a worse off state where I end up on involuntary terms.

In other news I had a doctors appointment today, it's time to redo labs. Once again I need to re-check the kidneys, and vitamin D. Blood pressure was good. My original weight goal in Myfitnesspal was 295, I've finally updated it to 180, I can't for the life of me figure out why my goal wait was set to that number.


  1. Sorry about your anxiety it is a horrible situation for you to be in.

    295 is high as a final goal weight but 180 seems very low to me. Is it realistic or even healthy? What about 230 or thereabouts. My calorie counting app gives me interim goals rather than a final goal so it doesn't seem so unattainable.

    1. 180 has been pretty controversial, I can't remember who I was talking to last year about it went into a whole rant about it. Realistic.....any non-180 goal is unrealistic to me at this point (I can already hear my therapist saying that's all-Or-nothing thinking) and I realize how crazy that sounds 😫.

  2. Don't focus too much on 180 as a final goal. The loose skin will weigh something so you'll most likely end up higher but still be at goal. I have about 15 lbs of loose skin.

    If you don't feel safe, consider going to hospital voluntarily. The benefit to this would be that you could still sign yourself out.

    Maybe once your brother comes back it won't turn out as badly as you are anticipating? I always make things much worse in my head. He may have changed.

    1. Congrats on the weight loss!

    2. Right back at you! We big losers (weight wise) gotta stick together.


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