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Showing posts from February 15, 2015

A Little Venting

We all aren't blessed with strong, supportive families. The kind that call you out of the blue to see how you are, to check on you when they haven't seen you in a while, to care about what battles you may be facing. We all aren't so lucky. Ive dreamed about being part of families like that, I often think back to when I was going through my turbulent years as an adolescent,  that fateful 8th grade year that scarred me. I think what if someone reached out  to me, an overweight 14 year old who was dealing with humiliation and low self esteem on a weekly basis because of school, what if  my grandmother called me, or wrote me a letter and asked how things were for me, what if people noticed I wasn't hanging out with my friends as much and was constantly in my room, what if people tried looking deeper as to why I would sneak up at 1 in the morning on school nights and binge eat, instead of just chalking it up to being fat and greedy. What if during those years post-graduatio…

The Hellacious Adventure To Get Work Clothes

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As I told you all before in a previous post, my new clothes/work clothes shopping was bumped up from Monday to today, suddenly. My mother doesn't drive out of town, or on major highways and the stores that carry my size range are a ways away, so my aunt is the one that decided to take me. I learned my mom was going to tag along at some point (initially she wasn't coming), fine. I was told my aunt would be here between 11:30am and 12:30pm, and to be ready "she waits for no one," I decided to call the store we were going to go to, because it wasn't the one I had shopped at before, and I had been to many different big person related stores that didn't carry my size. So I call and find out they don't have my size, the website was a clear giveaway, but I had to be sure. So we called my aunt to tell her the news, and decided we would go to the tried and true big person store, the one I had been to years before.

After arriving an hour late,  aunt, my mom, and my…

Food Journal #2

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9:35 AM

Boiled eggs lightly peppered, a piece of grape jam toast, and one piece of sausage. With water 

5:01 PM
(been a busy day)
(My iPad died earlier so no picture, sorry.)

Im eating my remaining chicken finger from last nights dinner, plus a half eaten tender my mother did not want, with some Clear N Natural zero calorie, no sugar, flavored water.

7:25 PM

Two servings of potato chops


7:35 PM

Popcorn, this is dinner. I am not in the mood.

Its The End... Of The Week Already?

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(I'm going to get straight into yesterdays report card, because you guys seen how I ate throughout the day in thatlive post.)

Report Card

Diet: Fair. I didn't to do badly, but I don't know anything about that takeout chicken, so it was probably very bad for me, same with the fries. I feel like I did good for the day up until dinner. I didn't have a single snack though.

Exercise: N/A. Did not happen

Water: Great.

Sleep: Poor: After 1AM

Mental Health: Fair.




I think I'm going to do another food journal today, I'm not sure if it will be a regular thing or not, but I enjoyed doing it yesterday. I was suppose to get my new clothes for work Monday, but it randomly got bumped up to today, I found out a few minutes ago, and I'm not sure why, but its given me incredibly bad anxiety. I guess I really value my time to mentally prepare for something, even if its something as simple as getting clothes.  I have only a few hours before liftoff, I have to imagine if I commanded j…

Food Journal Live-Blog

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10:51 AM

Bowl  of Honey Kix Cereal


3:07PM
Chicken lunch  meat sandwich with mustard on wheat bread. Some sour cream and onion chips, and my 24 ounce body of water filled.

6:59 PM
Chicken Fingers and Fries.  These from a local eatery, my mother went out the other night and brought this back.

(I actually ended up only eating four the of Chicken tenders.)

Yesterday And Today

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Yesterday went a little better diet wise. For Breakfast I had a bowl of cereal and a few pieces of sausage... and I finished off the last four peanut butter cookies. For lunch I had a half a sandwich and some chips, and for dinner I had a lunch meat sandwich and chips, I snacked on some popcorn near the nights end.

Report Card

Diet: Fair. Those cookies! Otherwise it would have been a solid day

Exercise: Poor. I did not do anything

Water: Good. At least things are getting back to normal in this area.

Sleep: Decent. Got to bed a midnight.

Mental Health: Poor.




I'm really going to try to balance myself out. I need to free my mind and prepare for the coming week, my orientation has been rescheduled officially to this Tuesday, top of the week. I know I have a couple days before anxiety will start hitting me so I need to stabilize myself mentally to be able to handle whats to come. Today I will do at least a mile walk at some point, we will see how that goes. I'm going to be watching a lot…

My Journey Partner

I'm thankful for this platform, I hope this doesn't feel like I've disregarded the support I've gotten from you guys. I honestly never imagined this blog catching on, and being of interesting to anyone. I never imagined Id have people from afar following along regularly, encouraging me and relating to the things I write about, its amazing

This year, I was originally  supposed to have a partner in crime. My buddy Matt, who I met freshmen year in high school. He was supposed to embark on his own journey beside mine. Hes journey is different, he is quite thin, and he has issues with his weight, and like myself, he has been teased and made fun of because of his size, so like myself he has a lifetime of insecurities related to his image. We are visually the polar-opposite of each other, but are a lot a like under the surface, and shared a common goal; to make a transformation in 2015. His goal this year was to gain weight, and muscle mass, he wanted a more toned, fuller…

Worry, And Fear

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I was attempting to find a exercise video tailored for the obese on YouTube, so I did a search for obese exercise and found some things that just brought me down! I cant seem to escape that fact that I am huger than the average huge guy, I seen several videos where large men were on the floor doing all these exercises that I simply can not do, and its frustrating. I'm really just grasping how large I am. In my searches I found a video with the guy from the sitting exercise video. So I checked it out, he too was doing some things on the floor, but I'm over that, what bummed me out was learning that he had lost about 60 pounds, and gained it all back, he attributed it to working  a lot, and a neck problem.

This just really hit me hard, because 60 pounds goes a long way, and to think that he lost it and gained it back is just discouraging. It makes me think that it could be me, I may never even make it to 60 pounds before falling off the journey. And I have to just say, it sucks…

Cookie Monster

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So yesterday was a bad day for my diet, probably the worse day Ive had all year, that includes the Superbowl, why? Cookies, Peanut Butter cookies. So for breakfast I had a bowl of Kix Cereal and a few Peanut Butter cookies. For lunch... I had peanut butter cookies, and quite a few at that. And for dinner I had a delicious lunch meat sandwich with chips, and.... some peanut butter cookies. I ate so many cookies. Someone decided to make peanut butter cookies, and I decided to go overboard.

Report card

Diet: Poor. Those cookies made for a bad day. I effed up, made horrible decisions.

Exercise: Fair. I did the 25 minute chair exercises, and I do not like them, I will likely not do it gain, my chairs are too low or two high (too high in this case). Afterwards I had some back discomfort from the lower back exercises it has you do.

Water: Fair. Less than usual.

Sleep: Poor. I got to bed after 3AM, again!

Mental Health: Fair. The cookies thing had me feeling like an out of control pig with each …

The Blues, Wal-Mart And Clothes Shopping

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Yesterday for breakfast I decided to eat my 60 calorie pack of carrots, it was my last pack and I just wanted to get them out of the way, and it was terrible, took me forever to eat most of them, and a few went to waste. It didn't do to well for my appetite, so I had an early lunch. For lunch I had a sandwich and some chips. For dinner, I had breakfast. two boiled eggs, two small sausages and a piece of toast. Between lunch and dinner I had a snack, a serving size of low fat cheddar popcorn that's only 35 calories a serving.

Report Card

Diet: Good.

Exercise: Great. I had a bad nights sleep and my body did not have the energy I needed, once I got started with my workout I told myself, before the first mile was up, I could only do the one, and one is better than nothing, but then the first mile went by quicker than expected and I remember I told you guys Id do them no matter what, that kind of bit me in the butt! But I did it, all 3 miles of my multi-muscle walking!

Water: Good

Sleep…

And An Uncertain Week Begins

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Yesterday I had a bowl of Quacker's Oatmeal Squares cereal for breakfast, I opted for a light lunch so I had a serving and a quarter of some low fat, light, cheddar popcorn for lunch. For dinner I had chicken wings that were unfortunately fried,  I started out with 4, but eventually had an additional two, with green beans and mashed potatoes, which I also added a bit more of.

Report Card

Diet: Fair. I didn't do terrible at dinner, and I haven't completely banned fried foods, its just been awhile, and I feel like going back for more was a bad move. So cant give it a solid for the day.

Exercise: I generally don't work out on weekends unless I specifically set out to, so, nothing here.

Water: Solid. I feel like I didn't drink as much yesterday, but still drank well

Sleep: Terrible. I got to bed after 3AM.

Mental Health: Fair.


Today I will get my 3 miles in no matter what comes up, so expect a better report card tomorrow. I have to edit my YouTube video, yesterday I shot it …

Sunday Laundry Day

Lets get right into yesterday. I had a breakfast sandwich for... breakfast, that included sausage and bacon. For lunch I had a left over piece of cod (they aren't very big), and for dinner I decided to knock out the 2-week old leftover lasagna, before it went bad, it was maybe just over a serving size, but barely. As usual my water in take was stellar. I didn't however add that mile I said I would fit into my day.

Report Card

Diet: Solid. I did get my hunger pains off and on during the day, but I got through them.

Exercise: Poor.

Water: Excellent

Sleep: Got to bed around 12, it was probably a better nights sleep than I had the past few days.

Mental Health: Decent.

Today is laundry day, so Ill be doing that for the first half of the afternoon, I need to film my weekly recap for YouTube, and then my day will be done, as least as far as plans go. Something interesting though, I was wondering if anyone else experience this, but this morning I got this horrible sense of dread, doom and g…