Posts

Showing posts from May 10, 2015

The Daily Dairy Of A Winning Loser

Every time I try to go to that blog I get anxiety. I want to say I've been following it since January, but may have started in February. I've read maybe four posts, even though all his posts pop up in my followed blog feed. I recently gave it another shot. I read about his epiphany day, when he basically flipped a switch and decided that hating himself and his appearance needed to stop, he began to love himself. I want to relate to this guy so much, but I can't.

Some people are stronger than others, he is certainly a lot stronger than me. I don't think I'll ever have that Ah-Ha moment, or epiphany day, about self love while I'm still overweight, I'm just not that strong. I've had some major setbacks this week, but I chose not to write about them so I wouldn't ruin the vibe of the week, but my issues with myself are just too deepseeded. I wish I were one of those people that could just have a sudden moment of clarity and then let go of the negative f…

Another Week In The Bag

Image
This year seems to be flying by pretty fast, it's funny how time used to seem to just drag along, and now it's like I blink and a week is gone. It's been an interesting week, the positive agenda for the week was a nice change of pace, admittedly though, it didn't have the effect on me I was hoping, but I think I'll better appreciate those posts further down the line. I did good with calories, ranging between 2,100 and 2,800. Sodium was a different story, over every day.

I've been experiencing  a lot of dizziness. It occurs every single time I get up to do something, sometimes mild, sometimes serve. I mentioned this to my doctor last time I seen her, but I may have downplayed it because she didn't seem too concerned, she said it could be a result of my BP stabilizing after so long, or some other condition. It's been happening so much it's alarming my mom, who keeps insisting I go to an ER, which I refuse. I may schedule appointment with my doctor nex…

New Non-Scale Achievement Unlocked

Today I had sudden non medical appointment out of town. My case worker (not therapist) from my therapy office took me. I hate driving in unfamiliar cars, because of space. When I seen her car  I immediately thought "oh, expletive" (no that's not a substitution for a worse word, that's exactly how I thought it. I'm weird, I know!). It was a two-door Honda! Speaking entirely from experience,  bigger people in these, not ideal! I once rode in that back of an older Mustang, complete torture! I knew I was in for a rough ride. Or so I thought.

Upon entering the car I was shocked. I figured I'd be oozing over into her seat, with my frame molding around every crevice of the interior, but that wasn't the case, I had room, I was comfortable (well mostly, it's certainly a short persons car, my head was practical out the sun roof, lol), it was amazing! I know Ive already mention having more space in my friends car, but that's an SUV, they are bigger, and room…

NSV (#2)

I'm not the most confident person (obviously), but lately I have been venturing out more, not a lot, but more, going browsing at stores, sitting in a restaurant to eat (would never have happened a year ago), walking at the park, just going places in general. I still have my anxieties, but they aren't as severe as before, when I go into a store now I'm not immediately wondering if I'm being stared at, and if I happen to spot someone glancing at me, I try not to think much of it. There is something reassuring about knowing I'm losing weight, that I'm doing something about my problem. It's empowering to me. This doesn't happen every time I go places, its rather hit or miss, but the fact that it happens at all is a victory.

Another Victory would be my friends car, last year he bought a new car, a Ford Edge..or Escape...or one of those SUV's that starts with an E. Visually it was an upgrade, but the interior space was so much smaller than his previous Ch…

A Mild Day

Image
I finally heard from my friend from the hospital. I searched her up on Facebook and sent her a message and add request, she accepted shortly after. She filled me in on her goings-on, and they were just overwhelming, she is personally holding up strong (under the circumstances), but there was a death in the family that devastated them all and left them quite torn. When she told me the story I was shocked, I truly felt for her and her family. She initially respond to my first Facebook message with a voice message (you can do that now apparently via FB), she was driving and didn't want to type so she had just sent a voice message, very cool, and excellent use of the feature. It was so nice to hear from her. I was just so glad she was okay.

I picked up my orthotics yesterday, they can't be used with my loafers, or crocs, tennis shoes only. So I haven't put them to use yet, I'm not too fond of my tennis shoes, but I will put them to use soon, I'm eager to see if these p…

Ideal/Future-Self

Image
What Would I Do If I Could  Do Anything, if I were thin healthy. What would my life look like?
I'd go back to school, for photography, and maybe something for writing and journalism. I'd go to that big campus college I was to afraid of, broaden my horizons. Being a professional photographer or journalist would be my ideal dream jobs. I've also considered being an author, I don't think Ive got what it takes for that though. My life would look a whole lot different.

My hobbies would be going around snapping photos, I love wildlife, landscapes and structures, but I've always admired street photography as well, so maybe some of that. I'd continuing writing this blog, as well as maybe starting one for poetry, short stories etc. I'd learn a bit more about art and drawing, and improve my own skills. I can see myself going to concerts, networking with a lot of new people, I'd probably have expelled a few toxic people from my life that I hadn't the courage t…

Weight Loss Inspiration

Image
When I first started this journey I had few inspirations, The Biggest Loser, Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition come to mind. They only took me so far. They never really elevated me. They gave me some very unrealistic aspirations. It wasn't until this year that I got my first burst of external inspiration, and it came from YouTube. When I first started this blog in January I often mentioned how I searched the weigh loss journey tag in YouTube to find others embarking on their journey. I found quite a few, but the biggest inspiration came  from a guy named Nathan Gleason. He had uploaded a video of a day's worth of his eating, and  logged them into Myfitnesspal. His videos weren't big budget, action packed, or full of suspense, but they were very honest, humble, and insightful.

He uploaded videos daily for almost two months consecutively, and

NSV 1st Edition

Image
I hope to make posts like this a regular thing. I will examine a series of my non-scale victories, here we go.

The Weight In, More Pounds Down

I was hoping to be out of the 90s, I was mostly wishful thinking, after the week I had, I figured the scale might actually go up for the first time, but as I said yesterday I would accept my results. Lucky for me things went better than I expected. Last week I weighed 491 pounds, this week, 489! I'm really happy, I don't know why I'm so happy about this particular weight loss, I've certainly lost more, but I don't know, it just makes me feel good inside ya know? The scale is moving in the right direction.

The plan this week is to stay below 2,800 calories. I believe this is the highest limit I've given myself. My body is mostly functional at a mere 1,800, I seem to feel my best around 2,100, in terms of not feeling like a zombie. I'm going (totry) to avoid those scary low 900-1200 I've done in the past that left me feeling like a decaying corpse (you know, I didn't even mean for that last bit to reference that zombie comment above. Let's pretend…

Happy Mothers Day

Image
Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there, hope you all are having a splendid day! I'm having another movie marathon with my mother today.

I've decided that  this coming week will be about exploring positive aspects of my life and weight loss. I tend to only look at the negative, but I will certainly look deeper this week and showcase the good goings on. I'm trying to grow from within, after all, I'm willing to make changes in my life. Therefore I must challenge my inner thinking, and try to slowly change. It is not going to be easy, but I can't take a lot of this negative thinking a with me on my way to being... Thin.


I'm also planning on returning to walking at the park, I'm not sure how tomorrow's weigh in will go, but I'm going to accept the results regardless of the outcome. I would love to lose a couple pounds and drop out of the 90s, but that's wishful thinking, we shall see.

This is going to be the first week, in 7 weeks, that I wi…