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Showing posts from August 23, 2015

Focus

I'm finally back on my ADHD medication at the upped dosage, one thing about this medication is it absolutely kills my appetite, I remember telling my therapist about it during week 2, because I had to make it a point to eat. Today just kind of came and went and before I knew it mom had fixed s frozen pizza for dinner, and I had suddenly realized  that dinner was my first meal of the day. Together we ate about half the frozen pizza and will gave the rest tomorrow. Loss of appetite is a side effect but it's one I think I can use to my advantage quite nicely.

That drowsiness yeah it's not gone, it's also listed as a possible side effect, interestingly I didn't have this issue until this round. It's not really much of an issue right now I guess, I don't exactly have a lot going on. Sometimes Id rather be sleep cause I feel I could one day wake up thin, while I simultaneously dread sleep because I don't exactly like waking up to... Me. Quite the woven web in…

Drowsy Day

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It's been an unproductive day full of naps. There's been no point throughout the day that I didn't feel like I could fall to sleep for hours upon end. I'm I'm not complaining, I don't even think I'll have a problem sleeping tonight as this drowsy spell is still cast over me.

Last night I had a bit of a weight related breakdown, picturegate striked again. Not the picture of me by the camper from the camping trip, but a different photo from the trip. One of me by the lake, it was just awful, I could not bare my own sight and just had a complete breakdown. Luckily it didn't last long, and as of right now this moment, I'm over it. I suppose this is why several months ago I changed my profile picture on Facebook to the one below, and it's remain that to this day.


Summer is coming to a close, a breeze crept through my bedroom window the other day and I could have sworn it was the chill of winter. I coped with summers heat this year better than I have.…

Smooth Sailing

The week seems to have just glided by, it's almost over. I've been sleeping well, this morning however I woke-up feeling kind of out of it. A recent comment mentioned going down in shirt sizes, that's interesting because my therapist has been saying I should do this for weeks, new clothes, it's a touchy subject. I'm not quite sure there is enough of a difference to warrant me getting new lower sizes. As I told my therapist (whom thought I was being ridiculous) I've laid in these shirts in so many different ways and contorted them that it's really no telling if weight loss has anything to with this appearance. So I really don't want to go down lower in sizes and be disappointed, and then wouldn't going down in size make me look bigger anyways? I know the logic in that last bit is odd, but it just came to me, I can't rationalize it, but it seems valid as if this sentence.
Mentally I'm mostly stable, however that picture of me by the camper is …

The Camping Trip

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Several months ago, when I was walking at the park regularly with my buddy Nick, I was invited to go camping with him and his girlfriend (and my mutual friend) Melissa, and reluctantly agreed. The idea of camping had never been something that appealed very much to me, nature and weather, a one two punch of discomfort, but I agreed to go. A week ago when my buddy made a surprise follow-up asking me to go during that upcoming weekend I agreed, although, reluctantly ( I'm supposed to be trying new things this year remember?). I told myself this could be a fun experience despite the the the mild anxiety telling me this could be horrible; Plus I've never had a true s'mores before and I could finally experience that.

I only went camping one day, thought my friends were there multiple days, as the week went on I actually built up quite a bit of anticipation, I can truly say I hit  a point where I was was excited to go, but that would have to wait until Saturday. On Friday I was i…

A Meh Week Already

I'm back on track, I'm blogging, I'm tracking, I'm cutting back, all these thing are needed to aid me for a better journey. This journey has been one roller coaster after another. I just want to be thin and want life to begin already, but for now let's move on. Due to confusing circumstances with my insurance Ive been out of my ADHD medication  since last Thursday and they won't renew it until next month, not only that but the dosage is suppose to be increased, it's going to be a less than stellar week for productivity. I was suppose to see my psychiatrist this week but it got bumped to next Tuesday.

Over the weekend I went camping, tomorrow I'm going to make a post about it with pictures. Yesterday I was just below 2,000 calories.

Round And Round

I've been losing my mojo, perhaps my lack of presence here is a good indication of that. This past week I gained four pounds, the prior week (the week of my failed fitness reboot) I lost around 7. Last week I weighed 453, this week 457. I ate unapologetically last week, pizza, fast food, did not track at all. Every time I hang out with friends, I gain, because I lift all food restrictions, not always intentionally, either way here I am again another week up. I've stalled progress and I've begun wondering why I've gotten to this point, I've been really discouraged, by unusual sources I  think.

Every time I see a fit thin, muscular guy I just feel completely disgusting. I like I haven't gotten anywhere, like I'll never be there. Then I just go on and on about what it must be like to have lived  their average thin life, and I sink, and I give up ever so slightly each time. So I'm going backwards. Every week I lose weight I take a victory lap and gain the n…