Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Today I'm feeling bitter and emotional. Not at myself but at other people and their actions. A friend if mine was very short with me for a week and it didn't improve over the last. I'm just completely removing myself from that situation. Really though it's my two friends who are dating but I basically only talk with one of them unless I go over there. The relationship is toxic and she knows it and I believe resents me for being honest about it, and despite being torn down and emotionally broken time and time again, won't leave. Meanwhile, he is steady gaining weight. He is nearing 500lbs. I hear he goes to workout sporadically. I find this odd because he has never asked me to join. Hes never been consistent, but it bothers me considering I was not shy about how far I'd fallen. Another problem is he idolizes these guys from his work. But they are piss poor morally human beings. Types of individuals I'd never associate with. Because I have principles. But ...

Sugar Addiction Today we'll talk about my sugar addiction. Its no secret that I have a binge eating problem, and the root in recent times is all things sugar. The last few years I definitely lost control over my will to remain in a healthy relationship with these types of foods and I returned to very unhealthy coping mechanisms, so sugar became a Mainstay of my life again very recently. Last year I definitely snowballed out of control. I could eat anywhere from 3000, 5000 or 10000 calories in sugar a day and then do it all again the next day, and the next, and the next. The reason could be that I'm upset or happy or that I'm bored or perhaps I'm celebrating whatever it may be,  once I'm  eating a trigger it just keeps coming. Stopping that is really the issue, and I find that very hard to do. I don't eat  for hunger, that I know. I've binged before with absolutely no appetite, hell, even during some binges I've been bored. I most recently...

Tod ay's post was just going to be a rant about how my family just doesn't give a damn about me. How little effort or concern was put in concerning the flu. But never mind. Today I'm at about 60% so I'm not really sick anymore, but my body is still weakened from the battles soup diet it endured. I had to walk to my doctors s appointment today, I really wasn't feeling up for it but everyone was busy. My doctor basically told me I'm too late, that there's basically nothing to do now that it's over. *Sigh* The flu normally lasts a week I was told, and my exercising likely irritated it along the the week. My body must have been fighting wicked hard. I have a high threshold of pain so those aches and pains that didn't quite feel right I had been feeling were red flags. The fact that Friday and Saturday were so unbearable tells me two things. 1, my body did an amazing job for almost a week exactly fighting it, it could have been like that all week. And...

Turns out I have the flu. Last night things hit a fever pitch. The vomiting, projectile by the way, started, headache, chills. The body aches had hit an all-time high. I've been absolutely miserable and to think that I thought this whole time it was because I returned working out. I had the symptoms of the flu this whole time and this is where I'm at. I've been in bed all day I'm terrified to eat anything I've been drinking of course all those fluids leave quite quickly. I think I'm making some chicken noodle soup later but I doubt I will, it's an absolute chore to stand upright. It's a chore to lay in certain position, literally laying on my stomach with my blanket over me is the best position I found. That doesn't last for too long. My muscles are sore and achy that I can't have my legs bent in certain ways because my knees hurt so much that I can't think straight. I don't know what it does but it just hurts worse. So that's the...