Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Today was a bit harder on me mental health wise. My mind kept wanting to slip back to that familiar dark pit, but I fought it and mostly avoided going backwards. Another day of off eating but calories were 2,100. Yes over the goal slightly but its better than.... yeah I dont know. My moms birthday is tomorrow. Should be a fun day. Its also weigh in day, going to see the damage, stay tuned for that. Overall eating is down  this week considerably and water intake is up by like 1000% so thats good

Today was interesting, had leftover pizza for dinner, a my protein shake for brunch and mostly stayed in good spirits. I realized today the absolute need for losing weight as I noticed everything feels like a struggle, the slightest thing feels like a task, My knees and back hurt. I desperately need to change this course. Finally shop a video today, I'm not exactly happy with it but I dont hate it, but it was mostly for test purposes. Hopefully the next one will be better. We'll see

Almost my bedtime, figured Id squeeze a quick post in. Today was not perfect, I had homemade pizza for dinner( grandmas birthday request) it was divine however, it wrecked my calorie take. I almost recorded a video but I was too lazy to set up, maybe tomorrow. Any suggestions for topics? Anything you'd like me talk about? Please let me know. Therapist said she was proud of me today for all the recent developments, and someone else said I looked "radiant" that was very pleasant.

Today feels like its gone by pretty fast. I drank my water had my veggies, tracked everything. Its been a pretty solid day. I might start taking pics of my meals again. Im not always eating something " diet friendly " but if it fits in my calorie range than its fine. I tested out recording today, just sample audio visual stuff. Think I'm good to go for making blogs. or dare I say, mukbangs. This was today's dinner, I was craving noodles. This was teriyaki beef chow mien by Nissin , I added in one tuna pack, a cup of mixed broccoli and cauliflower and topped it off with some grated Parmesan cheese. 630 calories, worth every one!

The day has gone without a hitch. I did drop the ball on the vegetable route but that will be remedied tomorrow for sure. Feeling a lot less unhinged today, the new routine has given me some much needed structure. I haven't decided when I'll begin the exercises, I was thinking mid week, going to start on a lower level and gradually go up. Of course there is a 50% chance I will test the waters with going straight to the level I was before, just to gauge how far in I can get. In fact I think I'll do that. I'll do what I can and regain my endurance. That being said if I am able to do the full hour 5 mile  multi muscle walkout (walking + workout) I'd see some incredible results. Or so I say. I have to try to prepare my mental to accept that progress is happening, I dont want this journey to be like the last. Nearly completely blind to progress I was making and hating every bit of it. I slept great last night, hoping for a repeat. Being well rested really does have

I’m just trying to keep it together during these incredibly polarizing times. Too much affects me! Sometimes I feel like my emotions are like a feather in the wind. Never stays on a consistent path and just when you I’m on a steady flow the breeze takes me into another direction. It is a nightmare and with so much going on right now I feel like I’ve only got so much mental stamina left. Earlier I nearly had a breakdown at the thought of beginning this journey. I felt like what’s the point, why try to lose weight in times like this, it’s going to be hard, why make life any harder than it has to be right now. I was on the brink of an anxiety attack, and then the breeze shifted and I was calming down suddenly. I know I’m in this alone regardless of what anyone says. It’s crazy it’s so crazy to think that sticking to a plan consistently is all it takes for radical change. That’s how I got started I just stayed going. So why has it been so hard to bounce back. It’s like I’ve jumped on the