Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Knocked that drug test out of the way early yesterday morning, now just have to wait for Wal-Mart to get the results and set up orientation. Ive been anxiety free the last 24 hours and it has been great, and I'm really trying to enjoy this weekend, as boring and uneventful as it may end up being. Yesterday I had a bowl of Pops Cereal, Ive always found that to be very bland. I had a sandwich for lunch, and Cod fish for dinner. Report Card Diet:  Solid. My stomach is being weird, I didn't eat much yesterday, and yet after I ate lunch I felt like I had stuffed myself like a Thanksgiving Turkey, and several hours later the same thing happened with dinner. I am certainly not stuffing myself, so I don't know why that has been happening. Make up your mind stomach! One day its like I'm not eating enough, next it feels like Ive over done it. Exercise: Poor. Again I didn't workout, so I only worked out two times last week making my total miles a mere 6. Water: Exce...

Well I got the job, I honestly went in with a little more anxiety, I actually was doing great as for as the day was going leading up, until we got into the parking lot, and it all just hit me. I had to throw all my fears in temporary suspension and get the interview over with. I was waiting in layaway for a good while before Sheri appeared, only to inform me she wasn't doing the second interview, and that she would find out who is. She vanished into the back and I sat for what seemed like an eternity with my infinite thoughts going wild. Finally another woman appeared and introduced herself (I cant for the life of me, remember her name...) , I followed suit and she started to begin the interview... again right there in the public! She asked me one question and for some reason my nerves would not let me think, there was too much happening behind me, she realized I was distracted and we moved to some weird space in back. It wasn't a room but it was semi-secluded and had a desk, c...

I know my recent post have been kind of drab, and lacking the enthusiam I had even on my worst days in January. The month has been off to a bit of a fiery start and Ive just been in kind of an emotion rut, Im sure you all are sick of the "boo hoo" and "poor me" nature of recent posts. Thats not all I am, and this is suppose to be about my weight loss journey, but Ive been distracted.  I want to change the mood Ive been setting. I want to thank everyone who have been tuning into to my blog. In January alone I was shocked at the page views I was getting, and ended the month with just over 200. I wasn't getting too many responses at the time, but just knowing people were reading really brought up my spirits, and still does. This month the numbers have tripled and I'm getting more feedback than ever and I deeply appreciate it, I cannot adequately express my gratitude, but know it all means a lot to me. Keeping up with the positivity, I know Ive expr...

So by 11AM I was completely prepared, showered, groomed, and dressed. I watched some Simpson's to keep my mind from wandering to the elephant in my mind, but the closer to 12 it got, the more the elephant  became clear. My interview was at 1pm, and I left out around 12:20. The drive there was a quiet one, you could hear all the protons, neutrons and electrons coursing through my body. My mind raced with a million billion thoughts, each more intense than the last. Finally we arrived, it was 12:40, my mom wished me good luck (I did a mental sigh) , I thanked her, and headed inside.   Our Wal-Mart is a super center, so its quite large, I went in, but not before noticing my reflection in the glass doors before entering "not completely horrible" I thought, for some reason. I went straight to the service desk, where there was quite a line, I became nervous and anxious, there were so many people, why where there so many people!? Oh yea, its Wal-Mart. I stood there rememberin...

I went to bed around 11 last night, and I slept well. I'm honestly kind of baffled why going to bed late makes me wake up in pain, but I digress. Of course today it looks horrible outside, wet, and everything is grey, the universe is really feeding into my anxiety. Last night my mom said "I really think we should shave that beard, appearance is everything" , my immediate thought was "well I'm f#!%ed  either way then"   My semi-beard and sideburns distracted from the overall fatness of my face, since I started this journey Ive gone back and forth on whether my face was becoming more toned/defined, well once it was all cut it was clear, there were no changes. My head looks like a balloon, chin looks more doubled than ever. I did have a mini breakdown in the bathroom looking at my less hairy, more fat face, thinking nothing Ive done so far has made an effect ( I really need to get it together, I know ). I will be skipping breakfast, on days when my anxiety is...

As I expected, today's workout was a rough one. I kept telling myself every mile that it was the only one I could do, yet I manged to complete them all. I again didn't incorporate the sitting exercises, I just didn't have it in me and my knee had a bit of a moment. During my workout  there is a point where I have to do quadruple knee lifts for each each knee, and somewhere in there when my leg came down I just got a bit of pain shooting through my knee for a split second. I became a little more careful, but incidentally I feel my knee beginning its Wednesday stiffness already. So tomorrow I'm going to break from doing the walking workout, and just do the sitting exercises, Ive been thinking for a few weeks that I need to make some kind of adjustment mid-week that when my body typically hits a halt. I wish it was already Thursday so that tomorrows interview would already be over, and decided. I do fine in the interviews, I'm able to hide my all my fear, and anxiet...

Yesterday, was a good day overall, I hit an emotional low point at the end of the night, but my activities throughout the day were good. I did my 3 miles, I was going to incorporate the sitting exercises afterwards, and I tried, but a few minutes in I realized my chair, which as a big cushion, made me sink in and made it impossible for me to move my legs or body right because I was too low to the ground, so I put the breaks on that. I will attempt it with the kitchen chairs today though. I had leftovers for dinner, a delicious chicken, broccoli dish, I had been craving broccoli of all things for about a week so that meal went over well. I got to sleep late last night... after 2AM, and of course I woke up with back pain, and discomfort. My stomach was hurting quite badly, but I noticed last night I was having serious hunger pains which I ignored. I had a serving size of pretzels for breakfast to kind of settle my stomach, its been uneven all morning and I had to use the bathroom twice...

Title says it all, it is 11:54pm, I should be in bed, my body needs rest so that I can have the energy tomorrow to do the things I need to do, and yet here I am at the closing hours of the night with a lot on my mind. One of the things I've been doing this year is following a lot of people doing weight loss journeys on YouTube, much like myself, but I often found people who video blog every day, and those are my favorite ones, because even if its just them discussing the boringness of their day, it just motivates me to keep on. Earlier I was watching a guys channel, he was talking about how he just wasn't feeling it but his wife told him to get out and hit the gym. The video eventually changes to an awkward view of him on the treadmill, and then I stopped the video. I was looking at this guy thinking "Id love to be his size" but he is unhappy with being his size, and it just made me think of how long I have to go, like I'm counting down to when I can go buy a sh...

Here we go y'all, its Monday, the beginning of a long week. Mondays are just no fun, I think  the only reason I don't like Monday is just the thinking of how many more days of the week are left, but what can you do? Last night I filled out an online application that took 54 minutes to complete! W-T-H? I got to be around 11, and slept quite good so I should have all the energy I need for today's workouts. I recorded a video the other day discussing some of the goals I have for the year, I originally planned on writing about it, but didn't, so after I did my weekly recap for YouTube (which I normally post here, but it didn't turn out right, I talked really fast and forgot to touchdown on certain things) I decided to cover the goals in video, which incidentally lead to me discussing my insecurities too,  so please take a look at that video.

I'm excited to go into next week on a clean slate. Today I will be babysitting one of my six nephews, so it should be really interesting. I have pretty strong connection with a lot of my nephews, and I'm surprised I haven't talked about them more. I have two brothers, both nearly ten years older than me. My relationship with my brothers is, not the best. Because they are only a few years apart in age they have deeper connection with each other, than with me. Ive always felt like an only child. A lot of that had to do with the fact that I also had a different father than them, they shared the same father, whom my mom was married to before I was born, but he beat her severely regularly and my family got her out of that situation. Sometime after she resettled I came along. My personality has always been quite different from theirs, I could always tell. But I still often tried to emulate them, and they were arguable the worst influence's imaginable. They were in and out o...