Today Is The Day

I went to bed around 11 last night, and I slept well. I'm honestly kind of baffled why going to bed late makes me wake up in pain, but I digress. Of course today it looks horrible outside, wet, and everything is grey, the universe is really feeding into my anxiety. Last night my mom said "I really think we should shave that beard, appearance is everything", my immediate thought was "well I'm f#!%ed  either way then"  My semi-beard and sideburns distracted from the overall fatness of my face, since I started this journey Ive gone back and forth on whether my face was becoming more toned/defined, well once it was all cut it was clear, there were no changes. My head looks like a balloon, chin looks more doubled than ever. I did have a mini breakdown in the bathroom looking at my less hairy, more fat face, thinking nothing Ive done so far has made an effect (I really need to get it together, I know).

I will be skipping breakfast, on days when my anxiety is this bad I have to skip meals leading up to whatever is causing the anxiety. So today that means breakfast, I may have a late lunch afterwards but we'll see. My stomach becomes unstable, and it becomes uncertain if Ill be able to keep things down, so I just don't eat. That's it for now, I will be back later in the day with details of the interview and whatever transpired along the way. Stay tuned.



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