Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Today  Yesterday was another scheduled appointment with UC's weight loss surgery team/program. I've already stated how I felt going into this appointment after just last month being told I gained so much weight my insurance would never approve it (if presented). So how'd it go? You decide. First thing first. I had to get weighed-in. Like all my appointments since my last visit I've turned away so I couldn't see the results, thus I haven't known what if any progress I've made. I just know I felt the drive in my bones again. So I sat in a room for a bit then the doctor who I seen last time came in. I wasn't there to see him. The lady I was supposed to see was very backed up with clients and he was free. The first thing he asked me was what have you been doing the last month? I ask him what does he mean. He's looking at a laptop with my information on it with a flabbergasted expression. He says, like with meals and stuff you've lost 24lbs in a m...

Today wasn't a good day. Persistent intrusive thoughts plagued me. My energy dipped and stabilized and dipped again.My mind began to wonder, is life worth all of this? Will there ever be a time where I look back on thoughts like that and wonder how I could have ever been that way? PTSD was mildy triggered today, but it often is, but today it really bugged me, dealing with the heightened anxiety and hyperawareness because someone decided to come knock on our door after 9pm. It was just my brother and his fiancé, but I wanted to scream. I'm so tired of these little panics over small things like this. Sudden loud noises send me into the same stage. My friends have always thought it was funny how easily I'm scared, I've never bothered to tell them the deeper meaning. Anyways this is just bugging me today more than usual, I've been dealing with this for about 15 years now so I manage, but sometimes on top of other things its a bit much! Today I took out the trash an...