Brandon, Who Lives At Home

How can you want something so badly, and not enough? How is it we can see the errors, see the flaws, see the wrongs and still keep making the same mistakes? What is our malfunction? You don’t want it bad enough, you’re not trying hard enough. SACRIFICE is the word of the hour, the thing which you want, the thing which you need requires sacrifice. You must sacrifice your urges, your comfort, and your self-doubt. Harder even, you must accept your own help and believe in yourself.  In order to meet your goals, you must limit yourself. You have to have the courage. It takes courage to look your self-doubt in the face and over come it. It takes courage  to believe in yourself when you’ve spent a lifetime of doing the opposite. It takes courage to see your short comings and want to better yourself. It’s not just believing, it’s doing. It’s not just doing, it’s believing, and that takes courage. It takes courage to say I am better than this, I am better than what I’ve become, I can be better

The constant onslaught of punches life throws at you reach a crescendo, and everything fades to black, but like a faulty bulb, there’s some flickers, and suddenly the light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole. Life’s a bitch, and then you die… but not every time   ;

“ In 5 weeks you’d weight xxx ” Let’s be real, I haven’t committed to anything other than excessive binge-eating for 5 weeks-straight, in years. But no time like the present to completely flip that on it’s head. MyFitnessPal says in 5 weeks I’d be 499 if I ate like today, which was like s*#+ but below my goal. So we are going to give it a go, 5 weeks of 2,465 calories or less and watch where my weight lands. It’s currently 518lb.

Lets talk about tv shows, or really, a tv shows end. I cry when a show I like comes to a definitive end. There is something so sad about seeing something you enjoy stop. Tv shows can be so silly, especially the ones I get attached to, but being entertained is wonderful, more so if you can be amused and made to smile.  Getting connected to characters, to themes, little running gags etc is a special thing. But eventually it ends, Golden Girls, King Of Queens, 30 Rock, Regular Show, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt are just a few a few of my favorites that ended. I've been watching Bojack Horseman on Netflix lately. I started it a few years ago but quit because depression. I've hopped back on and am loving it but I know it ends and I'm preemptively sad, but I'm happy it's been something I can enjoy when I'm so often in a state of grey. The end of a TV can be a parallel to life, or a demonstration. It’s never easy to see something you love cease to be, in the grand schem

There are a few ways you can help me in my journey. You can donate an item from my amazon wishlist or you can send funds to me directly via paypal/cashapp.  How will these fund my journey? Amazon Wish List: the items I have on here are to aid me in weight loss and preparation in some way. For instance there are food prep containers for meal prepping entire days worth of meals at once. There are clothes to help me feel more comfortable for going to and being in the gym. There is exercise equipment that is pretty self-explanatory, but obviously such devices would speed up weight loss. There are fitness games to help motivate me during leisure/recreational time. Any of these would be assets. Direct money donations via paypal or cashapp would be used strictly for my this journey and buying what is needed to further aid me at a given time. Any donation is appreciated, but I dont expect anything, and there is no pressure Amazon Wish List Paypal CashApp

It wasn’t a perfect weekend. Saturday was not ideal. Most of my plan didn’t exist that day. I made some addict mistakes, but planned the rebound. Then I realized it’s Memorial Day weekend here in the US. Which means barbecuing is afoot. That means pork and beef everywhere.  I know I’m going to indulge so there is no point on planning a rebound on a holiday known for eating (like Xmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, etc). A former me could have done it, but that me is gone and I have to be realistic. The plan is not to over do it. And hoping there isn’t a lot of  leftovers. MyFitnessPal  gives you a 5 week estimate of weight loss based off of your calorie intake of the day. I plan on going on a 5 week journey to test out if it is accurate. Obviously this will start after Memorial Day, which will be Tuesday. The goal is to be under 500lbs in this timeframe. MFP gave me a nice estimate last Friday that I’d like to see through.