Brandon, Who Lives At Home

. I have to lose this weight, I have to remember what I want. I want the  life I never had. I want to be able to enjoy things, to walk out in front of a crowd and not worry about if my weight is making them stare at me. I want to be able to buy cloths off any rack at virtually any store. I want to be able to fit in the rides at amusement parks, sit in the seats comfortably in movie theaters. I want to rediscover the world from a new perspective, I want so much more. I have to get my focus back, I have to get my consistency back, I have to! I have to do it for me, for the guy that wrote those blog posts in 2015 at the precipice of complete and total mental implosion. He was so miserable all the time, physically and mentally, yet he kept on, he kept fighting because he had what he told himself was a delusion dream, but a dream nonetheless. That guy was so sad, he was so caged in, he was so hopeless, he would never believe how close we've come. I owe it to him to se...

When I started my journey the first thing I began doing was cutting back in my consumption. Before I ate breakfast, lunch dinner and many in between, and my portions were massive.  I ate until I felt sick, often that meant going back for seconds, thirds, fourths, even fifths and sixths. Meals that should have last multiple days stood no chance. I knew this was the first thing that had to change, I had to cut back on on how much I was eating. Identifying your habits I figured out early on that I was an emotional, binge eater. I ate when I was happy, sad, excited, even just bored and wanted time to go by faster. One thing I did to combat this was to stop eating in my room, the fact that I already identified it made  it easier to prevent, but the comfort eating in my room really seemed to amplify both the enjoyment of food and whatever emotion I was using and made binging that much more intense. Once I limited eating to only in the kitchen (initially) it ...

Its been a fast yet long week. Tooth issue still ongoing, can't get in to see the dentist until Monday, and its honestly been a nightmare. I haven't been able to sleep laying down, and sleeping in general hasn't actually happened much, other than the miserable ongoing pain that doesn't leave for very long... things are good! I had an eye appointment Monday and my new eyes were ready the next day, though I didn't pick them up until after therapy Wednesday. I've been working-out everyday, though since I'm not sleeping laying down I'm thinking of going down to the 3 or 4 mile workout, I've been doing the 5. I'm at the point where I can go it everyday now but I'm not getting adequate rest lately so I'm think of taking it down a notch until this tooth is removed! Had a nice good lengthy talk with Nathan recently about our weightloss journeys, I'll be updating my weightloss inspiration story on him soon now that he has had two skin remo...

I haven't blogged in a couple days. One day 3 of my nephews had a sleepover at the house. Fred, Richie and Eden I didn't see these three often this year so that was a surprise they had a good time and I spent the night out of my room even sleeping on the couch and offering up my room to one of the rascal flats. Since Tuesday I've been doing the 4 mile workout, that has been going well, eating has been mostly solid I did slip and have another piece of sweet potato pie, but now the pies are officially gone with my brothers and nephews in the equation they had no chance. Earlier in the week I posted a picture on Instagram that was very well received. So much so that someone  actually re-posted the picture recommending people follow me for inspiration. I've been considering bringing back my Facebook recently, my plan was to maybe do it after New Years, after my birthday. However after that picture happened several supporters wanted to connect there. Someone particularly...

I was strolling through my cloud again, looking for old photo edits to add to my Tumblr when I suddenly realized I had wondered very deep down the rabbit hole, I went down to 2010 and seen several videos that I simply had forgot existed. They were from when I had tried up (and failed) another attempt at being healthy and dieting and recording my progress via YouTube.  I also lived at an apartment at the time that offered a gym for free, it was tiny, but free. I do remember going there early in the morning for at least a week, I remember doing treadmill and some dumbbells, not staying very long. My mom also went. I remember I exceeded the weight of the treadmill its maximum weight was around 350, though I didn't know my weight, I knew I wasn't 350, and after a while the the machine would start smelling of  burned rubber. In the original  clip I was breathing so heavily but to get 15 minutes means I had to have worked up from 5, and 10, so this was quite t...