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Showing posts from January 7, 2018

3O

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Today was/is my birthday, I've turned the age I've been dreading since I started this blog. Don't think it, don't say it, aside from therapy I haven't mentioned a word about my birthday, still it was a bit distressing to realize my mom forgot. I woke up walked right past her to the kitchen, made breakfast, and went on. It wasn't until my grandmother called to sing me happy birthday, which genuinely filled me with joy, that my mom realized it was my birthday. Still she didn't say anything until I later came to refill my water bottle, and she simply admitted she forgot, and didn't realize until she heard grandma singing on the phone. None of my friends remembered either.

At first I was fine, but then I started to really analyze the situation. I'm 30 and I haven't accomplished a thing, and I'm still obese, and I don't really matter to anyone. I really have never felt so alone in my life. I wished I was thin and dating someone because it wou…

[Notice] Ads

I've decided to remove ads from my  blog indefinitely after coming across one that immediately caught my eye, after clicking it I discovered it asked users to download something, and well I put on the breaks there and did some research. Discovered what I suspected all along. I hope none of you downloaded anything from any of those ads

It's An Uphill Climb

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Its been a good week. the week before week resulted in several old Brandon remissions.  Come Monday I told myself I was done, and since then I've been exercising everyday, staying below my calorie goal, no binging and no trigger food. It feels good to be back in the swing of things. My psychiatrist asked me how I was able to just snap to it like that, having just binged that Sunday. Today I went to the store, I grabbed a box of my trigger snack cakes, stood their for a minute, then put them back. Effortlessly. That's really significant because I've been explaining to my therapist, psychiatrist, and dietitian how when I'm in the store I have this severe internal conflict. I know I'll regret buying my binge food and will even feel guilty walking up to get it, but I'll also have this unreasonable fear of missing out, as if I'll never have the chance to eat that again. Today that was not an issue.


I'm not sure how many of you follow my Instagram but if you…