Brandon, Who Lives At Home

It was one of my most challenging years. I ended the year weighing more and taking more medications than when it started. It was a bad year, hands down, but there were somethings that made it better. We've heard all about the bad stuff so here is the good stuff that happened in 2020. Animal Crossing New Horizons Ive played the Animal Crossing series since it first debuted in the U.S and its had a place in my heart ever since. Being the lone human in a village, town, city and now island amongst animal peers is surprisingly fulfilling. What do you do? Well you grow fruits and flowers and now vegetables, help your friendly animal villagers with tasks, fish, catch bugs contribute to a museum, swim, decorate and expand your house inside and out, visit friends friends island etc. Its an incredibly low stakes game that's very charming and just has you smiling all the time. I'm currently experience a bit of burnout with the game, but to be fair Ive put in a staggering 1,205 hours ...

Reflecting upon the last year. All attempts at weight loss ended in failure, I was put back on blood pressure medications, a brother of mine was arrested, a global pandemic began, lowdown, weight gain, mental instability,  my psychiatrist of over 5 years suddenly dropped me, a lot to unpack. Weight-gain was the theme of the year, after every weight loss attempt came regain 1.5x what I had lost. There was no motivation, I was running mechanically most the time hoping that suddenly something would spark and the rest would be automated, come naturally like it did years ago, but that didn't happen. I started walking at the park again, but it was ultimately short lived, I couldn't maintain the determination needed to keep that going. The worst part is my mom was relying on me. I do feel bad, but luckily she remained on a weight loss streak all year. She certainly didn't need me, though when I stopped walking so did she. Wondering where my rock-bottom is was a whole chapter of it...

What i said last time, forget it. I dont even remember what I said I was going to be doing but it never happened.  I was scheduled for weight loss surgery jan 5th, but changed it. My liquid diet being right at the time of christmas proved to be too much.. Surgery is now slated for February 16th I just don’t know what to do with my time these days. I’m bored all the time, my depression is getting bad I’m eating eating so much, I just don’t understand. I don’t know how much of it is me and how much is the medication anymore but I do know that I need to make a change.  I think the addiction side of things has really been bogging me down, I haven’t  been motivated enough to try to defeat it.  I don’t have a lot of hope for the future I certainly don’t have any New Year’s resolutions. I feel like I’m just existing day to day, this isn’t necessarily a new feeling it’s just that it’s been around a lot lately. I’ve been having these small panic attacks and I get antsy and ne...