Mamma Mia

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What i said last time, forget it. I dont even remember what I said I was going to be doing but it never happened. 

I was scheduled for weight loss surgery jan 5th, but changed it. My liquid diet being right at the time of christmas proved to be too much.. Surgery is now slated for February 16th


I just don’t know what to do with my time these days. I’m bored all the time, my depression is getting bad I’m eating eating so much, I just don’t understand. I don’t know how much of it is me and how much is the medication anymore but I do know that I need to make a change. I think the addiction side of things has really been bogging me down, I haven’t  been motivated enough to try to defeat it. 

I don’t have a lot of hope for the future I certainly don’t have any New Year’s resolutions. I feel like I’m just existing day to day, this isn’t necessarily a new feeling it’s just that it’s been around a lot lately. I’ve been having these small panic attacks and I get antsy and nervous and my anxiety  just goes through the roof and it becomes hard to manage and I won’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what my mind wants from me I can’t decipher what it means, what it wants me to do I feel like I’m doing something wrong I’m wasting time I need to do something more. 

The only thing I have to look forward  to is the one thing that I’m also pretty scared of doing,  which is the weight-loss surgery. I need this and a large part of me even wants it while a small part of me doesn’t, and that’s part of the side that got me to reschedule it in the first place otherwise it would just be six days from now and I would  be getting the surgery but I had it pushed back luckily it wasn’t pushed back to far.


Is it really possible for there to be a New Year, (and) New Me?


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