Showing posts from October 16, 2016

End This Week Already

So much has suddenly taken place this week. I found out that one of my nephews was being put in a negligent situation that could have had serious repercussions. It bothers, it saddens me it angers me, but the situation is being handled and he is no longer going to be put into these situations as custodial rights have changed hands, and won't be reset until someone both admits their selfish problem and gets help. Vague, and dramatic I know sadly that's as much as I can share as far as non-detail details go.

I learned a friend of mine this week has been really depressed and is really struggling with recently having turned 30 and not having figured everything out and worries of never having happiness, he has isolated himself pretty much and doesn't do too much interaction out of work. It was sort of like suddenly being splashed in the face with glass water, but there were some interesting parallels to my life and the way I've either gone about thinking or went about think…

The Week Goes Steady

There has been unexpected turbulence, some shocking revelations recently came to light threatening to completely overwhelm me (but hasn't). I must be vague for now, but a stealthily family operation is being staged soon to intervene. My anxiety gets high thinking of it,  but I also get very angry, and sad, and scared. More on a later date.

My friend did in fact keep his word and we made it to the gym Tuesday, after taking several weeks off from my routine I was humbled, luckily my friend refused to do the 60mins I had previously come accustomed to so I agreed to do 45. It beat me down. 10 mins in I thought what in the world is this!? Typically I don't start feeling like diving off until I'm 30mins in, it's amazing what breaking routine can do. Also I didn't have music which honestly made things a trillion times worse. Me and my buddy started discussing how we were getting our buts kicked, and we ended it 5 mins early (wimps, I know), no additional machines for us.

Returning To Regular Weigh-in Schedule

I had an appointment today addressing those headaches, turns out the doctor thinks I could have migraines and we are going to try a trial medication and see how that works out. Blood pressure was fine, if it turns out to be migraines I think it could be psychosomatic which would lead back to the possibility of maybe my social anxiety being the cause, perhaps effecting me on a deeper and hidden level. I'm just taking so much in, I'm sure none of this makes any sense, but it seems slightly logical to me. Perhaps something to discuss with my psychiatrist next time I see her. I think I may have dissociative coping skills in these situations, perhaps something to talk with my therapist about.

Today I'll be doing my dumbbell workout, I'm likely going to tryout the Cize routine midweek, my friend Nick sent me a message wanting to go the gym tomorrow on a whim, luckily he has the black card membership so he can take a guest. I agreed to go. So if this pans out I'll have a …


The reality is becoming more clear that I'm going to have to face moving forward without a gym because of the sneakiness of my gyms decision to take out an annual fee without notice, and the subsequent overdraft charges from my bank have put me in the red. Luckily I'm pretty resourceful and if someone told me the only way I could get to my goal from this point was with a gym membership, I'd have to prove them wrong.

I have my dumbells, I have my Leslie Sansone videos, I have my Cize dance workout I've yet to use, I can still go walking before the snow comes. There are countless things available on YouTube, I also have a slant bench that I never intended to use because it  seemed like it was meant for more athletic people like my brother, after all it used to be his. However after dusting it off over a month ago and offering it to my brother I've decided to trying making use of it. I can prop it up against the couch in my room to use it as a flat bench. Actually thi…