Brandon, Who Lives At Home

I'm mostly out of the funk I've been in the past few days. There are some things I just have to accept, the familys lack of caring  isn't really a new thing. They do just so much as to keep me from jumping of the cliff, but not so much as to get me to walk away from the edge of said cliff. This is part of the reason I'm losing the weight though, so that future-self/ideal me can surround himself with people that actually give a care. Moving on. Only worked out only once the entire week, Monday, and my eating has been a bit iffy, I'm pretty sure Im getting my minimum calories in, I'm not sure if I'm doing so great with water, and when I don't do great with drinking water, my body punishes me by... holding on to it which might make for a upsetting weigh-in but I think I'm solid, I had a less than stellar day a few days back but have mostly rebounded. The plan this weekend is to watch movies and try to decompress from the stress, that is all.

😪 Well I never did go up to planet fitness. I was going to go after therapy yesterday, but they require you to have a checking account to start a membership and  I don't have one. I didn't think this would be an issue as I would just use my moms, but she didn't want me to use hers, she didn't want it tied to the account for whatever reason.  She changed her mind at the last minute, but I just said forget, I was pretty (internally) upset that she was putting up such a fight. Plus she made a comment about how far away planet fitness was and how we'd have to drive there every day (which again, just seemed like she was putting up a fight). I was over it, I just calmly said never mind. I spent the rest of my day in bed skipping lunch and dinner, often thinking how how those other "siblings" of mine wouldn't have had this issue had they been in the same situation. It's like no one in my personal life realizes how serious this weightloss journey ...

Today was rather uneventful, I find myself taking long naps lately during the afternoon then finding it hard get to sleep at night. I'm thinking its a depression thing, I've been pretty good about filtering things out as far as that topic goes here so I'll move along. I didn't too much enjoy my Independence Day, didn't do anything out of the ordinary, it was just another lonely holiday for me. I tried to get to bed earlier, but literally a neighbor right next door chose 11'oclock at night to really release the kraken of fireworks , just when I thought it was over... no, it just went on, and on, and on. It sounded like a war zone just out my window. So that happened... TWIST Thanks to the watchful eye of a commenter, tomorrow I'll be taking a trip up to Planet Fitness and if all goes well will be a new member, they are having a promotion going on where you only have to pay a dollar  down (5 something after whatever that fee is, not tax) , but yeah the tim...

Today I finally stepped back on the scale after skipping last week. The last time I weighed in I was 385.6, I am now 380.8 I lost 4.8lbs. Almost in the 70's. No real plans for today, I'm going to mostly be researching dumbbell workouts, it's a rainy day so it's indoor workout for sure. I'm a little interested in that Cize dance workout (I don't know if I mentioned that before), it just looks fun. For now I'll be sticking to my Leslie Sansone videos, I might go straight in for the 3mile today, we'll see.

My mother informed me recently that my aunt has decided to get weight loss surgery. She'd apparently mentioned a few times throughout the year, but now it's really happening. She's now talking with doctors and it seems all that is left is scheduling a date. My mom told me if all goes well my aunts, she might just have it done herself. This was quite the information to digest, for many reasons. I'm not really sure how to process it, it's probably best my feelings about the matter remain in limbo. Tomorrow is Independence Day, a.k.a, the 4th July. No plans for grilling or going to see fireworks for me (maybe I'll add a little barbecue sauce to my baked chicken). Tomorrow is also weigh-in, it will be interesting to see how that goes. I did buy a 10lb dumbbell the other day so I'll be looking into ways to implement that into my workouts, or just find a specific dumbbell workout. I have a dentist appointment Tuesday.