Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Never mind all that watching my downfall stuff. Sure you were, but that wasn't me. New Brandon is far too strong to be defeated by consumption gratification dependency. Old Brandon, EZB has been strapped to the backseat. If the old me stays in control Ill get nowhere. Its simple, the old me cant continue this journey. He is depleted, maxed out, he has exhausted all of his strength. All of the best qualities EZB possessed, I possess too. I however, know my strengths. I know what I am capable of. 2018 will be the year I fully come into my own, and leave the past behind. Food is not my friend, food is not my confidant, food is not my companion. Food is a lair, it gives me what I want for a moment, a very short moment, but in that moment I'm promised all my fears, all my woes and problems will go away. Then its over, the last bite is had and I'm stuck in the same reality with the same problems I had before, but now with a added level of self-hatred. Food does not make my h...

Its a scary time, I started the new year off good eating within my calories, avoiding snack cakes, logging my food, wearing my fit bit, and no binges. Until Wednesday, my food addiction is back in full swing and literally every single day I thought of swiss rolls or some other snack cake. It was unrelenting, for the first two days I was able to resist. Wednesday the ball dropped and busted into a million particles. A dozen sour cream glazed donuts, an entire box of little Debbie nutty bars, and a large bag of jalapeno Fritos.  I felt awful of course, and I told myself that was it. But by the end of the night I knew I wasn't. Today, Thursday, I've been on a bender, 4 peanut butter sandwiches, 6 toaster pastries(pop tarts), 2 candy bars, a cream filled donut, 2 bowls of cereal and a bag of chips. I'm so weak. I can't seem to avoid this. I don't know how to break this cycle. And I see all the work I've done over the years being for nothing. I felt the ne...

I've been gone for a bit from blogging, it ties in perfectly with my commitment or lack thereof to my weightloss journey. It has completely took a 180 in the worse way. In june things started to come to a head. I was having binging episodes every other week that eventually turned into every week, by October I had completely reverted back to my old self. Using food to cope with any and everything, and mindless binging and gorging until I felt absolutely disgusting. The last week weeks of December I had a binge pretty much every day. Ive gained an absolutely absurd amount of weight in a very short time. My lowest was 322, I'm currently up to 371. I haven't been on a weightloss journey in the last month to be honest. December I out did myself with just how much I could binge, how many days I could binge, and how miserable I can make myself feel. I fully realize I'm on the path to complete regain. I have to stop this  now. I have to get my head in the game, now. If I don...