Tinder Loving Care

Because I like to punish myself, a while back I created a Tinder profile. It all started because I was helping a friend pick out pictures, and what to put in the bio of his. I knew in my heart of hearts, and my minds-eye that I should not venture down that road, but much like the dead cat that was too curious for its own good, so was I.

So I made the profile and proceed to use the app as intended, swiping left occasionally, swiping right occasionally, it seemed a little fun at first. Then my brain happened, the thinking, the analyzing, the fun was over pretty fast. So I did get some matches but the Tinder culture is set up very predictably once you think about it, that being that its a very superficial platform, some people just endlessly swipe right to see who will match with them just to feed their ego, then they unmatch you. The first time this happened to me I was completely thrown, but I got over it and just came to expect that some matches are going to vanish (sometimes before …


Its been an interesting time since I  last blogged, I think I need to do it more, but truly I was burnt out. Honestly I was just tired of focusing so much on my weight loss and I just didn't feel like writing. I do a plan on changing focus a bit, I'm going to start writing about various things in my life and in general, and these things wont necessarily have to do with weight loss.

So how have I been? For the most part, good. I just recently had a short bout of the blues, but I'm working towards keeping my mind from negative cycles. Blogging obviously is one of the methods. I'm going to start watching Extreme Weight Loss again, I stopped a while back when I learned what really goes on behind the scenes, it was also distorting my own weight loss aspirations. Now though, I'm just going to use it as inspiration, seeing the bodies transform should give me something to continue to work towards because lately I've been asking myself if I want to keep doing this, if I…

Since I've been gone

You may have noticed my blog has been rather neglected lately, I just didn't blog in the last several  weeks,  but a lot has happened in that time.

One day I went disc Golfing with some friends for the first time since I was at my peak weight. The first time I went, all the way back in 2013, was a nightmare. I just wasn't physically able to do more than 4 holes, I was exhausted from the small amount I did play, I decided that day I hated the game and would never do it again. It seems I lied. My friends asked me to go to weeks ago on a Monday and I reluctantly agreed.

The experience was ten fold different. We spent several hours on the course hiking through various terrains. I managed to get through all 20 holes, and most importantly I actually had fun. The experience was a night and day difference from the first time I went.

I changed up my eating routine for the umpteent time. It's working out quite nicely so far. It still involves drinking a lot of water, specially in th…

2 Years ago

An old blog post from the passed surface because of some keywords I was looking for to see if I made reference to an event from 2013, I did but not to the extent that I wanted. Anyways, I came across this post from April 8 2015, 2 years ago. You have to take a look at it, its very telling and sort of enlightening but also kind of demonstrates just how much my mind yo-yo'd mental health wise in 2015. In the post I basically mention that I don't think changes will happen in my life until around the 3s, at the time I was likely in the low 500s or high 400s. It reminds me of how I pretty much thought things would miraculously change with each first-digit change, but it didn't quite happen that way. My mind was mentally stuck and stayed that way... until well, really certain parts of it are still stuck but they aren't as stuck as they were then. My thinking has changed a bit, obviously my body changed, but back then I couldn't see it, or didn't care because of the a…


Quite often I come across a sight or sound, or even a smell that reminds me of the past. Sometimes I remember them fondly, other times not so much. Today I was in the car as we pasted a neighborhood that sits adjacent to a highway, I lived in that same neighborhood once as a child but not nearly that close to the highways overpass. When I looked at the street from above I suddenly remembered being a kid and riding down that road on bikes with a friend to dark tunnels that we weren't supposed to go in. I often adventured far off and to places I likely wasn't allowed, but my friend was less inclined. I remember convincing her to go with me in the tunnel one day, because I didn't want to go down it by myself. It was full of broken glass bottles and various debris. It was pretty scary to a then 8 or 9 year old.

We rode our bikes down that glass covered tunnel, which was positioned to the far right of two other tunnels but the one in the middle cars sometimes passed through (th…


So I've decided to work on improving my photography, improve my composition etc. I think I'm going to get a new lens soon, a 50mm, something sharper than what I've been using. In other news I got some protein powder to help increase my protein intake, the flavor I got from Quest is called Cinnamon Crunch (like the cereal). The taste is taking some getting used to be quite honest, but its not horrible.

I'm working just being myself more and not caring who does or doesn't take to me. The official weight for the month is 338.6 but my peak low is 334.6. Muscle development is in full force. Eating has been pretty solid, but a few bad apples have slipped into my diet, they are becoming fewer and fewer though.


Lately I've been more pictures than I used to, and actually going specific places just to shoot. Unfortunately I've been finding that my photographers eye and actions don't sync up. This means That I've been pretty unimpressed with my shots lately, they all come across boring, non-compelling, and well... mediocre, and its really unsettling. I still feel very passionate about photography but I don't seem to have the eye for it I used to. Its rather discouraging, but this was the one thing I thought I was actually semi-good with and now the reality seems to be the opposite.

I recently went on a 3 hour road trip to a state park with a friend and I was really excited about it, but once I got there I just found that I couldn't see anything worthwhile, but my buddy was shooting all over the place, I've noticed his eye for a good photo is better than mine and he is just starting out. Its kind of funny isn't it? I could see the opportunity in a photo far bet…