I Am So Sick To Death Of This Crap, That I Won’t Take It From Myself For Another Second For Another Minute For Another Hour For Another Day

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Fear And Self-Loathing

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So together with the readers of this blog, we begin to enter the next chapter Today I had therapy, it was much needed. Anytime there is time off from therapy I feel it, I had to take last week off because moms kidney stone removal. We touched down on a lot of things, the main focus was me and my disliking of myself and the roadblocks it's creating and how I've realized this in the past few weeks. I know this is truly the final thing holding me back, I knows it's keeping me from being more motivated, I know it's keeping me from being more optimistic, I know it's the reason I tend to beat myself up so badly when I make a mistake or when things don't go well, I know it's a large contributing factor why when I enter my severely dark depressed state I can even consider taking my life, it's the link between seemingly all my dysfunctions. My therapist gave an me one of two options for my homework, both of which are cheesy but for most people they could do ...
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Here I am the lion-hearted boy taking on 2017. I was thinking once again about my 2016, and I think that year can really be labeled the battle against depression. In 2015 I think I gave in to it a lot more, the psychical activities that I did incorporate into my life truly had a powerful impact, but in 2016 I actually battled the depression hard, I became so much more aware of my condition and how I operate. That didn't exactly translate into smooth sails, it was probably one of the most difficult years for my depression ever. When I went down I went way down, when I went up I went way up, but I learned and still learned and kept battling even when things got darker and darker. Luckily I was open enough to share my inner despair with my psychiatrist who promptly had me hauled away kicking and screaming, chained, shackled and sedated and sent to a psychiatric unit of a hospital. I suppose there was no kicking and screaming or chains and shackles nor sedation, but the last part...
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