I Am So Sick To Death Of This Crap, That I Won’t Take It From Myself For Another Second For Another Minute For Another Hour For Another Day

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ASMR

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If youve watched any of my recent videos you may have noticed I talk quite quietly, that's because I'm shooting ASMR.   Autonomous sensory meridian response  sometimes auto sensory meridian response, is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia , it has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia and may overlap with frisson. Wiki Basically a lot of arbitrary sounds at  very low frequencies, amplified. ASMR is one of the endeavors I want to delve into this year. I have hopes to build an audience and focus a lot of my time towards it.
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Borderline Personality Disorder

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Sigh. Sometimes knowing which emotions are real and which aren’t feels impossible. The extreme-ness of this condition is overwhelming. I’m constantly over-reacting internally. My mood playing jump-rope and changing with every loop. Am I a bad person? Does having BPD make me inherently bad?  Yesterday I had one of my signature emotion-based overreactions. A frivolous accident occurred, a slipping of one’s mind really, but I implied the person involved did it on purpose. Granted I was warranted being upset, but part of me knew it was just a simple mistake, but I couldn’t regulate the intense hurt and venom I felt and after calling them out I threw in “you probably did it on purpose!” Why, why did I do that? Now said, unsaid person isn’t talking to me. Even if part of me genuinely did feel like it was deliberate, I used a “you” statement, I know better than that. You statements just make people defensive.  Now I’m stuck between all these extreme emotions, the original hurt and ve...
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The Ball Keeps Rolling

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As I expected, today's workout was a rough one. I kept telling myself every mile that it was the only one I could do, yet I manged to complete them all. I again didn't incorporate the sitting exercises, I just didn't have it in me and my knee had a bit of a moment. During my workout  there is a point where I have to do quadruple knee lifts for each each knee, and somewhere in there when my leg came down I just got a bit of pain shooting through my knee for a split second. I became a little more careful, but incidentally I feel my knee beginning its Wednesday stiffness already. So tomorrow I'm going to break from doing the walking workout, and just do the sitting exercises, Ive been thinking for a few weeks that I need to make some kind of adjustment mid-week that when my body typically hits a halt. I wish it was already Thursday so that tomorrows interview would already be over, and decided. I do fine in the interviews, I'm able to hide my all my fear, and anxiet...
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