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Showing posts from October 9, 2016

22, A Million

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Writing while listening to music, the new Bon Iver album. While watching one of my favorite YouTubers Dustin Kloeppel's  latest video he was inspired to write while listening to the lasted Bon Iver album 22, A Million. He got the idea from a tweet from another one of my favorite YouTubers Wylie Phenix.  It inspired me to give it a try given how much I've been connecting with music lately I thought this was a great idea.  Dustins video
There are 10 songs, I wrote what came to mind per song.

22 (OVER S∞∞N)

When I was young and in middle school, it was such a strange time for me. I was a whirlwind of happiness and sadness. I still had my first dog who would soon run away and never be seen again, it was a devastating time, but I had a group of friends I spent a lot of time with playing super smash brothers on the N64. It's interesting how time seemed infinite back then, this was both good and bad. The very next school year in 8th grade things would radically change, shakeups amo…

Fear And Self-Loathing

So together with the readers of this blog, we begin to enter the next chapter
Today I had therapy, it was much needed. Anytime there is time off from therapy I feel it, I had to take last week off because moms kidney stone removal. We touched down on a lot of things, the main focus was me and my disliking of myself and the roadblocks it's creating and how I've realized this in the past few weeks. I know this is truly the final thing holding me back, I knows it's keeping me from being more motivated, I know it's keeping me from being more optimistic, I know it's the reason I tend to beat myself up so badly when I make a mistake or when things don't go well, I know it's a large contributing factor why when I enter my severely dark depressed state I can even consider taking my life, it's the link between seemingly all my dysfunctions.

My therapist gave an me one of two options for my homework, both of which are cheesy but for most people they could do wit…

Weightloss Reality Check

Make Me A Bird Of Prey

"So I can rise above this, let it fall away"
It seems that whenever I become determined to have a more positive out look on things, I'm almost immediately hit with something that threatens to not just ruin that outlook, but throw me throats first into the dark haze. Saturday I learned that my checking account was in overdraft by 85 dollars! It seems Planet Fitness already took out its once yearly equipment fee of 40-50$ which I didn't think would be until sometime next year and would be with some kind of notice, nope. Well there was nothing in my account at the time so my bank payed, then they charged me a 30$ overdraft fee and then 8$ continuous overdraft fee last week, and I assume every week they will add an additional 8$ I don't pay it off.

Unfortunately I didn't know when it went into overdraft otherwise it might have made this easier to manage. So now I'm at risk of losing my checking account and ironically my gym membership because they actually di…