Make Me A Bird Of Prey

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"So I can rise above this, let it fall away"

It seems that whenever I become determined to have a more positive out look on things, I'm almost immediately hit with something that threatens to not just ruin that outlook, but throw me throats first into the dark haze. Saturday I learned that my checking account was in overdraft by 85 dollars! It seems Planet Fitness already took out its once yearly equipment fee of 40-50$ which I didn't think would be until sometime next year and would be with some kind of notice, nope. Well there was nothing in my account at the time so my bank payed, then they charged me a 30$ overdraft fee and then 8$ continuous overdraft fee last week, and I assume every week they will add an additional 8$ I don't pay it off.

Unfortunately I didn't know when it went into overdraft otherwise it might have made this easier to manage. So now I'm at risk of losing my checking account and ironically my gym membership because they actually didn't take out this months regular fee yet, which I was going to deposit this week. So there is this issue. potentially losing my gym and further slowing my progress.

Another bigger issue has developed, or really has been developing but just reached its climax. I know I've talked to my therapist about this but I don't know if I've I mentioned it here. How when went to get my ultrasound a few weeks ago the doctor lady giving it walked in and immediately asked if I was being checked for chronic  kidney disease, and I replied "no, we are just trying to rule things out." I was appalled this came out of her so cavalier. It gave me a great deal of anxiety, my kidney specialist didn't say anything was that severe, in fact it seemed like we were heading in the direction that it was that antibiotic I had been taking for a prolonged time. I eventually let that incident go as just a error, but then when I met with my nutritionist towards the end of our meeting she said "oh I'm sorry I seen you had chronic kidney disease stage 2" (it was in the computer) I replied "what? No." Then she actually showed me that it's in the computer. So after the appointment I called to asked about that ultrasound, I was told the results were good but my doctor would discuss it further with me during my next appointment.

This was a bit of relief, still confusing, until today when I decided to finally have all my lap work done. Some from my main doctor and some from my kidney specialist. Anytime in
looked at the kidney stuff I usually just skimmed it and moved on,  the title was in bold, I didn't notice until today that underneath, in much smaller font it had what they were looking for with these test. There were all in fact looking  for Chronic Kidney  Disease Stage 2. I'm to see my specialist one week from today, to truly find out what's going on.

I also weighed in today it was not a good weigh in I'll say that right away, after switching to bi-weekly weigh-ins to protect my mental health I must now wonder about the side effects of what  happens when things don't go well. Last time I weighed in I was 363.4, this week I am 360.8 I lost 2.6 pounds. This is simply not an acceptable amount of loss in the time given. I am completely unsure about this week.

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