Showing posts from March 8, 2015


Today I'm going to spend a good amount  of my time doing my laundry, and watching movies in between. I'm really enjoying my room again. I haven't been getting to bed on a good schedule, I don't wake up with any discomfort though, I feel fine so.

Im helping mom with some bills with my check and anything left over I'm thinking of getting measuring cups and stuff like that to better portion my food. The warmer weather will be here pretty soon, I'd like to go walking at the park, but I'll need music. I'm thinking maybe some new headphones and a MP3 player (cheap ones) from eBay for the walking season.

Im Starting To Feel Whole Again

I'm Starting to feel a bit more like myself today. I woke up,had a bowl of Honey Kix cereal and began cleaning up my room. I still feel rather sluggish or like I'm in slow motion, it took a lot longer than it needed to, but its done and that's what matters. I actually feel a lot better now that it is clean. It just made things feel right, or like I'm getting back on track. You guys made strong points. and after thinking it over, Ive decided that my short time at Wal-Mart has to come to an end. My appointment for out patient counseling (which will set me up with a therapist and things like that) has been set for Thursday of next week. I also hope to return to doing my miles Monday.

A sort of nasty side effect of my hospitalization is that people know now, people in the family, there friends they know I have depression, they know I was suicidal, Ive hidden my poblems for so long that it hard to really take in. My mother told the family, and honestly I for some reason ne…

537 Pound Is As Bad As It Sounds

Welp, there it is! I mentioned in the previous novel that I was weighed at the medical center. 537, what a shocking number, I knew I was in the 500s, I guess part of me hoped I was a lot closer to the 400s, and it just makes me wonder how much higher I was, which is depressing. It really feels like I'm starting over, or like this is the beginning because for the first time there is a number, only now can I track it. When I arrived home the other day I discovered the new scale had arrived. I weighted myself again just to try it out, and to my surprise it got it exactly right, so truly I can track my weight now.

I also received my Polar FT4 heart rate monitor, I planned on using this in conjunction with my miles if I were ever able to jump back on the horse. It registers your height, age and some other things to track your progress and calories burned, but perhaps I didn't research it enough, because the maximum weight  it goes up to s 439! I'm not sure if I can use it for i…

The Dust Is Settling

Ive been home almost a day now, and I'm really trying to take things in. Interestingly I had the worst nights sleep I can recall in nearly a week. I woke up feeling like I had not eaten in months, but had no appetite. I felt drained and like I had no energy at all. I felt literally exhausted, keeping my eyes open felt like a task, looking in any direction felt like a chore. I managed to eat a bowl of cereal, and I feel slightly improved, but not at all back to form. Today mom told me I needed to call wal-mart, I said why? She said to let them know I wont be working there anymore. She seemed a little upset when I informed her I wasn't sure what I was doing yet.

I'm torn, today is actually my first pay day, and it feels nice ya know? One of my friends also seen me one of the days I was shadowing, and I'm just kind of worried, people might think I'm a quitter, or I was defeated (and certain family members absolutely will), and its a hard thing to process, what other …

From The Top

Everyday I journaled (on pen and paper)  my experience everyday so that I could have a mostly detailed account of my stay. So the after the stars everything has simply been retyped from my notes. So with out further a do