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Showing posts from December 4, 2016

Can't See The Landscape Anymore

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Some of my crudely draw emotional illustrations this past week.

I did discuss my newer found image issue with my therapist last week, as well as showing two of the above creations. It got into some interesting discussions, the point being that I'm in heavily distorted thinking and it's just sort of snowballing it seems, and I'm not recognizing it. Which is pretty easy in this case since I'm so hard on myself anyways. So we are back where we started personal growth wise, we've gone backwards, way backwards actually. Now I try to reform myself again for the umpteenth time.

On the bright side eating has been pretty solid, and I've worked out every day since last Saturday. Will this mean results on the scale come Monday, and get me out of this 8-week 350s plateau? Ill just have to wait and see, naturally I don't feel like I lost anything, so let's see how the dice roll come Monday.



Completely Unfortunate-Looking

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So I have a somewhat new unhealthy thing to dislike about myself to dwell over and it's this, I've come to the seeping conclusion that I'm ugly. Not that I ever thought I was a knockout before, but now I'm really noticing my hideousness. It all started when  realized there really isn't a single picture I actually look "good"  in and I thought maybe it's because I don't  actually use my dslr, except that one time for FaceToFace and I looked hideous. So I thought I'd try taking some pictures and I was horrified. I'm ugly, I'm completely unfortunate-looking, in fact I was less of a mess when I was much bigger. Maybe it's because I just didn't give a crap, and I already expected to spend my life alone, plus my fake smile was so convincing. Anyways this newly intensified insecurity throws a bit of a curveball at my weight loss journey as it's already being pummeled plenty. As I think of results and if or whether they are happeni…