Brandon, Who Lives At Home

The other day I was strolling through the App Store on my iPad and came across something interesting. It was an app called Visualize You, in which you take a picture of your self, add your weight, height and goal weight and it makes a picture of what you'll look like after the weightloss. I downloaded it and gave it a try. Start off by taking your picture, or using one in your library Then you put in your height Then you put in your weight Then you put in your goal weight Then it takes you to the next step, aligning your eyes Then aligning your other facial features And then your done The final result can be a bit wonky but you can adjust the weight loss to make it look more natural. Its a fun little app that gives me a little pleasure, it's a little glimpse of what could be and that's pretty cool when the journey is as long as mine will be. If you have an iOS device (I'm not sure if it's on android) I'd recommend giving it a go, it...

Yesterday I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday, the office is out of town and had to use an insurance funded transportation service to get there (my mother has a phobia of driving out of town, and on highways). They arrived just after 1:30pm, I was informed another person would be along for the ride (mild anxiety ensued). The driver arrived in a gold van, I originally sat in the front seat, but I was requested to buckle my seat belt (it's been about 15 years since Ive done that successfully) and I couldnt, it would not stretch, how humiliating! It's one of those things you just hope  people assume you can't do and don't bother to ask, but that wasn't the case. I had to switch seats with the other, thinner passenger. The meeting with my psychiatrist was insightful, he confirmed my major depressive disorder as well as my social phobia ( social anxiety disorder ) and binge eating disorder. I was informed that the depression medication I'm on helps with...

Deservability exercise Answer the following questions as best you can. They will help you understand the power of deservability 1. What do you want that that you're not having A nice social life, having lots of supportive friends. Having things to do regularly. Going places, seeing things, enjoying life. 2. What were the rules/laws in your home about deserving? What did they tell you? Honestly I do not know, it was a bit of a mixed bag, on one end I remember as a child that working hard for something means you deserve an award or praise, and if you were bad then the bad things that would inevitably happen to you were deserved. I was mostly spoiled so I actually didn't have to earn a lot of the things I  deserved . I don't think my mother felt deserving, she had rather turbulent relationships both with family and her significant other, that I think made a lasting impression on her and the way she viewed herself. 3. Do you feel like you deserve? Not really, I f...

Yesterday I had several appointments. One with my general care doctor and another with the podiatrist. The first appointment was early, it was my follow appointment since being placed on high blood pressure medicine. Well unfortunately  my blood pressure was still high! I don't understand it, I was honestly hoping she'd take me off it, that she see that there was no big deal and that maybe my high readings were isolated incidents, but that didn't happen. What happened is she put me on two additional medications to help control my blood pressure. In addition to that she said I was lacking vitamin D, and put me on something for that. Also I had some weird bump formations on my arm that she put me on antibiotics to take of! Ugh! The podiatrist meeting went better, he took X-Rays again, this time the system was working, and now know luckily I do not have any bone spurs or fractures in my feet. We began the casting shortly after, it took about 30-45 minutes, and ...

Yesterday For breakfast, you guessed it, Apple Jacks. I fasted till dinner and then had some honey battered chicken tenders and baked fries. Then snacked on some Cheezits and Wheat Thins. I consumed a grand total of 1,490 calories, and my sodium would have been just below again, but I didn't notice till after though that my mom had sprinkled a little salt over the fries, which means I went over my sodium goal by a couple hundred. Therapy went well, we basically got things processed for the coming weeks, I do like my therapist, she's alright. We didn't get into much the first day, but she did give me homework, and made me say the following sentence out loud five times "I'm willing to make changes in my life" which was actually difficult, obviously I'm willing to make changes, I've been on a weightloss journey, but there was something about hearing my self out loud say those words. It felt so positive, which made me uncomfortable, hearing myself ...

Yesterday For breakfast I had my patented bowl of Apple Jacks for breakfast. I fasted till dinner and had a tuna salad sandwich with some barbecue corn chips. I later snacked on a serving of Wheat Thins Popped, and a serving of Cheezits Cheddar Jack. I consumed a grand total of 1,262 calories and again was just below my sodium goal. Today I go to therapy in a couple hours, I'm a little nervous to be honest, but ready. I don't have anything else planned today, I'm hoping it isn't as boring as yesterday. I watched tv shows, youtube videos, listened to some music, and I was pretty bored. I kept thinking I hope tomorrow isn't like this, and here tomorrow is. It's a dark gloomy day. I Joked  yesterday about fast tracking to the 200s, but it just dawned on things that I probably won't seeing improvements in my life till I'm around the 300s. Reason why I say that is just thinking about my boring day yesterday, one of the many reasons Im on this weight los...

Yesterday was a pretty solid day. I went for my walk at the park with my friend, it seemed to have taken longer than before. I wore more comfortable shoes, but they clearly brought down my momentum of speed, I burned 291 calories. For breakfast I had a bowl of Apple Jacks.  For lunch I snacked on some chips and for dinner I had some left over chicken and baked fries. I consumed a grand total of 1,245 calories, and was just below my sodium goal. I Have my first therapy appointment set for tomorrow, and Thursday I have both my follow-up appointment with my doctor, and the casting for my orthotics with the podiatrist. Today I will be following the goal of the week, no other plans really. I told my friend about the scale I got a while back and he ordered one, it came in this morning, he found out he weighs 417 pounds. He thought he was much higher so he was a bit happy, that being said it put some things into prospective for me. I weigh just under a hundred pounds more than him. ...

Today was weigh-in day, but first a quick recap of yesterday. Yesterday I had a cream filled donut for breakfast, for lunch I had some spinach dip, and snacked on some chips. For dinner I had some Tyson Breaded Chicken Tenderloin and baked fries. I also had two iced sugar cookies... And a piece of my nephews chess cake. I consumed a total of 2,399 calories. I obviously indulged a bit yesterday, there were so many unusual treats and options around because my nephew was here. Still I could have done worse, and managed to remain under my default calorie goal of 3,610. Last week I weighed in at 519 pounds, this week I'm 514, I lost 5 pounds! Last weeks Boot Camp Week was a raging success. I will certainly be doing another one in the future. I'm very happy with this weeks weight loss. Today, in about an hour in fact, I'll be going to walk the track with my friend again. My nephew just left about 5 minutes ago. It was a very nice stay, it's so weird to have him going ...

Ever since I was able to identify with the word, it's been a pretty lethal word to me. Ive sometimes used it to describe myself,  I'm sure there's plenty of posts on this blog that back it up. That being said it isn't a term I welcome  or am comfortable with, like I said, it's a lethal word, venomous and painful. I believe when I've used it to refer to myself Ive sub- (or just plain) consciously tried to hurt myself. For some overweight people, the lucky few, the word fat doesn't have such a negative connotation, it's just a word. But for me it's much more powerful than just a word, and I feel like a lot of the overweight can relate to how hurtful, painful, and uncomfortable it can be to hear. I think there is enough fat-shaming going on in the world without the need for it to come from within those affected, easier said I suppose. Because of societies incredible tolerance of fat-shaming, I've learned to hate myself,  and my image because...

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I played games, and watched zombie movies with my nephew. Yesterday I had a rather large breakfast by my current standards that included, two pieces of turkey bacon, one piece of turkey sausage, nearly a cup of scrambled cheese eggs, and a piece of toast. For lunch I had a double dosage of spinach dip. For dinner I had leftover taco salad, though a  bit more than the previous day. In total I consumed 2,517 calories. Today is Easter, happy Easter    to those that celebrate, happy Sunday for those that don't. There isn't much on the agenda today. Next weeks goals are as followed. Eat below1,500 calories a day. Consume below my sodium in take everyday (less than 2,300mg) . Work out at least 3 days next week. Drink 8 cups of water a day (=3 bottle refills)