Homework For Therapy

-

Deservability exercise

Answer the following questions as best you can. They will help you understand the power of deservability

1. What do you want that that you're not having

A nice social life, having lots of supportive friends. Having things to do regularly. Going places, seeing things, enjoying life.

2. What were the rules/laws in your home about deserving? What did they tell you?

Honestly I do not know, it was a bit of a mixed bag, on one end I remember as a child that working hard for something means you deserve an award or praise, and if you were bad then the bad things that would inevitably happen to you were deserved. I was mostly spoiled so I actually didn't have to earn a lot of the things I deserved. I don't think my mother felt deserving, she had rather turbulent relationships both with family and her significant other, that I think made a lasting impression on her and the way she viewed herself.

3. Do you feel like you deserve?

Not really, I feel like things like love, happiness and success are reserved for the thin. I've felt like I deserved being miserable because of my weight. Although as I lose weight, I feel like I'm  working to be able to deserve and/or deserve a little more each time the scale goes down

4. Do you deserve to live

................

5. What do you have to live for?

...............

6. What do you deserve?

I don't know. Honestly I've hated how my life has played out the last 20 years, but part of me feels like it's what I deserved, punishment for being so big. I just don't know if I deserve anything good until I lose the weight. This is backed up by all the thin people of the world going on about there lives on a daily basis, mingling, chasing dreams, having fun, fitting in. That's not to say they don't have issues, but I wish I could go down to just being some guy with issues, but on top of my issues I have this weight, this socially crippling, criminal amount of weight. I'll always be the elephant in the room.

Popular posts from this blog

Smooth Sailing

-
The week seems to have just glided by, it's almost over. I've been sleeping well, this morning however I woke-up feeling kind of out of it.  A recent comment mentioned going down in shirt sizes, that's interesting because my therapist has been saying I should do this for weeks, new clothes, it's a touchy subject. I'm not quite sure there is enough of a difference to warrant me getting new lower sizes. As I told my therapist (whom thought I was being ridiculous) I've laid in these shirts in so many different ways and contorted them that it's really no telling if weight loss  has anything to with this appearance. So I really don't want to go down lower in sizes and be disappointed, and then wouldn't going down in size make me look bigger anyways? I know the logic in that last bit is odd , but it just came to me, I can't rationalize it, but it seems valid as if this sentence. Mentally I'm mostly stable, however that picture of me by the campe...
Read more

I Watched Some Picture Films

-
I always like when people refer to movies as "picture films." I actually watched some movies over the weekend several days in a row. I even watched one this morning called The Loft , yesterday I watched The Account with Ben Affleck (so good). Its been really nice getting caught up in movie worlds for a little bit of time again, especially the horror ones, I really love a good spooky film. I watched one called From The Dark that was really good and I actually have a few to watch tonight so that should be scary fun. I got some Canadian bacon because I was told this was better for me than regular bacon because its considered lean or whatever, I also got some peanut butter 2 that I'm planning on making on an Instagram story video thing maybe today, its basically this powdery peanut butter you add water to that turns into normal peanut butter that has less fat and calories than regular peanut butter, so if you're following me on Instagram be looking out for that. How ...
Read more

Boot Camp Week Day Five

-
Image
The final day of boot camp week is upon us. Today the exercise goal is to complete the four mile challenge, which would give me a new miles per week peak. The food goal is simple once again, and the consistent goal of the week. Stay below 1,800 calories. I got news yesterday that my oldest nephew might be coming down for the weekend. That's pretty awesome news. His spring break starts today, but he'll only be here the weekend (versus the entire break previously), but   it wasn't set in stone so I'm not expecting anything.  He has been getting all A's in school this semester so far so I'm really proud of him. Today I'm getting blood work done, and will likely schedule  that follow up appointment.
Read more

Archive

Show more