Homework For Therapy
Answer the following questions as best you can. They will help you understand the power of deservability
1. What do you want that that you're not having
A nice social life, having lots of supportive friends. Having things to do regularly. Going places, seeing things, enjoying life.
2. What were the rules/laws in your home about deserving? What did they tell you?
Honestly I do not know, it was a bit of a mixed bag, on one end I remember as a child that working hard for something means you deserve an award or praise, and if you were bad then the bad things that would inevitably happen to you were deserved. I was mostly spoiled so I actually didn't have to earn a lot of the things I deserved. I don't think my mother felt deserving, she had rather turbulent relationships both with family and her significant other, that I think made a lasting impression on her and the way she viewed herself.
3. Do you feel like you deserve?
Not really, I feel like things like love, happiness and success are reserved for the thin. I've felt like I deserved being miserable because of my weight. Although as I lose weight, I feel like I'm working to be able to deserve and/or deserve a little more each time the scale goes down
4. Do you deserve to live
5. What do you have to live for?
6. What do you deserve?
I don't know. Honestly I've hated how my life has played out the last 20 years, but part of me feels like it's what I deserved, punishment for being so big. I just don't know if I deserve anything good until I lose the weight. This is backed up by all the thin people of the world going on about there lives on a daily basis, mingling, chasing dreams, having fun, fitting in. That's not to say they don't have issues, but I wish I could go down to just being some guy with issues, but on top of my issues I have this weight, this socially crippling, criminal amount of weight. I'll always be the elephant in the room.