Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Failed already Mom unexpectedly bought me McDonald's for breakfast. Did have the will to turn it away. Maybe tomorrow...

Okay today we have a do over. Fast. Just fast. No food. Easy! .......

Failed. Wanted sugary binge foods, got them . Reese big cups (5) Half dozen glazed donuts Doritos Frozen Pizza

Feel urge to eat. Urge, not need, urge. Food has been on my mind all night. Whether or not I'll stick to the fast, thinking if I should my do my upteeth final hooray meal then begin reset. I've drank 10oz of water. Took my meds for the first time in a full week. Attempting to stay on path

Cleanse via  some sure to be gross  tea my brother has given me Charge my Fitbit that I haven't worn in weeks Charge my headphones.

Is what my neighbors must think about me. I imagine them peaking  me out atchingtheir windows watching me yoyo 20-40lbs every other month. I'm sure for awhile they noticed when I was losing, I wonder what they thought then. Maybe they thought I had surgery, who knows. Everytime I step foot outside my door now I'm very self-conscious, especially when I know I'm heading off to get food. They must think there he goes again. I found my way back to 464lbs after several weeks of just atrocious eating. I only feel alive when I'm over eating. Wish I weren't when I'm finished. I didn't go to therapy this week, I have to see my psychiatrist and therapist next week, although I might again skip therapy yet  be a g ain.  I'll be lying my ass off to the psychiatrist. I'm going to do a cleanse and fast to drop  the water weight so that when I get on that scale it isn't obvious that I said t o hell with it all . Just smile and look functional and no