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Showing posts from June 16, 2019

Yikerz

Failed already Mom unexpectedly bought me McDonald's for breakfast. Did have the will to turn it away. Maybe tomorrow...

Do-over

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Okay today we have a do over. Fast. Just fast. No food. Easy! .......

6:14pm

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Failed. Wanted sugary binge foods, got them . Reese big cups (5) Half dozen glazed donuts Doritos Frozen Pizza

8:23 AM

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Feel urge to eat. Urge, not need, urge. Food has been on my mind all night. Whether or not I'll stick to the fast, thinking if I should my do my upteeth final hooray meal then begin reset. I've drank 10oz of water. Took my meds for the first time in a full week. Attempting to stay on path

3:25 AM

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Cleanse via  some sure to be gross  tea my brother has given me Charge my Fitbit that I haven't worn in weeks Charge my headphones.

There's Something Strange About The Neighbor

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Is what my neighbors must think about me. I imagine them peaking  me out atchingtheir windows watching me yoyo 20-40lbs every other month. I'm sure for awhile they noticed when I was losing, I wonder what they thought then. Maybe they thought I had surgery, who knows. Everytime I step foot outside my door now I'm very self-conscious, especially when I know I'm heading off to get food. They must think there he goes again. I found my way back to 464lbs after several weeks of just atrocious eating. I only feel alive when I'm over eating. Wish I weren't when I'm finished. I didn't go to therapy this week, I have to see my psychiatrist and therapist next week, although I might again skip therapy yet  be a g ain.  I'll be lying my ass off to the psychiatrist. I'm going to do a cleanse and fast to drop  the water weight so that when I get on that scale it isn't obvious that I said t o hell with it all . Just smile and look functional and no...

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