Otherwise known as a cavity, its been building up to this point the past few days but now it's reached a fever-pitch and it's awful, I won't be able to do anything about it until next week though, and judging by the severity of the pain, which is reminiscent of the pain I had a few years ago when I had a cavity that had to be pulled (when I was warned of my high blood pressure but did nothing) this tooth probably has to go too. It's interesting I try to make it a point to brush my teeth more then something happens like a seeping spell of depression and it's the the first thing to go, especially since brushing before bed becomes so iffy since bedtime can very during bouts of the dark haze. Anyways it's going to be long rest of the week, the good news is Belle has been rather good, no accidents.
The week has begun and that means an increase to my exercise routine. Previously I mentioned I was doing Leslie Sansone 's in-door walking routines, I started initially with a single mile, then two, and now I'm doing 3. Honestly, this one was a lot more intense than I anticipated, had me sweating and huffing in no time. Its a 46 minute set and halfway through I was begging for it to be over, but I didn't quit and charged ahead and until I completed it. I cant recall a time in recent memory Ive been so proud of myself! That being said, its clear to me that 3 miles a day for the week is going to be tough, and its going to take a lot more endurance and determination than previous weeks. But I'm committed to this new healthy active lifestyle and wont slow down now. Here is the video I'm doing for the week
Food is the center of the universe. Mine, anyways, and that has to change. I've been on a bender. Bingeing daily for the last week wicked-hard. I had already been bingeing prior. I think about the state of the world, often existential thinking leads me to my lowest state-of-being and most severe depression but it happens alot. Because of these thinking's I often feel like there is nothing worth living for. So much evil in the world, so many people set on bringing people down, making others suffer. I think about my weight loss journey, and the motivation comes in comically quick sessions and gone seemingly forever. Future Self/ Ideal Me (remember that?) was what I was reaching for. A much better version of me. The me I envisioned with life not held back by weight and crippling social anxiety. I used to bring this up a lot more in '15 & '16. But now almost never. I often think, you're in your early 30s, you gained all this weight back, the world is...