3:25 AM

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Cleanse via some sure to be gross tea my brother has given me

Charge my Fitbit that I haven't worn in weeks

Charge my headphones.

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Coping

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For awhile now I've had this idea in my head that things were just a lot easier when I used food as a way to cope with any situation. You're supposed to replace that habit with something healthier when yo embark on a weight loss journey, but I just left an empty void there. A void that I believed at times was worth the weight because at least when I had a situation that was hard for me, I could instantly urn to food, it was always there to console me. This past week I gave up on my weight loss journey and truly dived into the deep end, I binged and binged, I had fast food, and sugary treats, you name it, all in excess. One thing I told myself during all his is its nice to just be carefree again, its nice to have my confidant, food, back. I may end up miserable but at least at certain times I could make it go away while eating. The truth is, while I was doing all this binging and destructive eating I just felt empty, I kept waiting for that feeling of bliss and comfort I w...
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Passing On The Birthday Cake

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Yesterday was one of my (six) nephews birthday, he turned 6 and had a little party. I attended the festivity's mostly to take pictures. My nephew was his usual hyper-active self, and come time to blow out the candles I was completely drained, the good news is, I passed on the cake. He had a cool Cupcake-cake that was shaped like a snake (his newest fascination). When I was offered chocolate or vanilla, I politely declined. It was a small victory for my inner self-restraint. Ive been a fan of cake since the year I was born, and turning away such a treat a year ago would simply have not happened. A year ago  I would have indulged, but not this year, not in the year of forward, the year of change, the year of transformation, no way! Please enjoy this noisy photo from the event.
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Help I'm Alive, My Heart Keeps Beating Like A Hammer

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Yesterday I was on the borderline of having nervous breakdown in the morning.I think partially that is due to the fact that two days  I started a new dosage of one of my depression medications. But I took it wrong, I was going to switch from  80mg to 120mg but accidentally took 200, so I took both. The the day after I took literally 0 medications, so yesterday I was feeling erratic. I literally wanted to die at times, I was emotional, crying, felt like my skin was crawling like I had to move. Then finally it moved on after I did take my medication and started listening to a podcast and slept All day. I just kept sleeping and sleeping. I woke up to eat some pizza and went back to bed . Today I'm feeling unsure, I'm kind of feeling  like one of those former sports players who's lost all their glory.  I don't like to say that  I've lost weight outloud. I'm on my own
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