I know everything I need to know, that there is to know about nutrition. Lack of knowledge isn't my problem, I know what and when I'm doing wrong and continue anyways. In 2017 in the first half of the year before summer I reached a peak low weight of 320 , actually, 318, but I round up in this case because I hit 318 once and 320 multiple times. That was likely the true low anyways. So yeah 320. My dwindling reader base may remember that every time I got this low I shot up 5-15lbs, then got back down and repeated. There was clearly something psychosomatic about my inability to go any lower. Something within did not want me to continue to get lower, but why? Was I afraid of the realities of things? Maybe I was right, maybe everything would change and my social bubble would explode and I'd be involved in more endeavors and doing more. Maybe that meant I was scared that I wouldn't know who I was going to become, that the person I knew would be erased and maybe peop...
I read a blog post recently from someone chronicling their weight loss, and in the post I remember this little line "I remember waking up everyday hoping it isn't wasn't my last." I hear, or read stories like these from the overweight a lot, and as someone who is overweight I've never shared that fear. I guess the honest truth is I've never really feared death, I mean sure we all did at some point as kids, but I cant recall a time since I've been aware that I'm overweight that I feared Id die over it, I acknowledged it, but didn't fear it. That's because Ive never lived a fulfilling life, Ive always looked around myself, or watched on TV, movies, the hallways of schools, my peers, and always said " Id rather have that, or that's what I want." I've never woken up one day worried if it would be my last, Ive woken up hoping my life would suddenly be different, I'd suddenly be someone else, that's what I wanted. The fear...
Otherwise known as a cavity, its been building up to this point the past few days but now it's reached a fever-pitch and it's awful, I won't be able to do anything about it until next week though, and judging by the severity of the pain, which is reminiscent of the pain I had a few years ago when I had a cavity that had to be pulled (when I was warned of my high blood pressure but did nothing) this tooth probably has to go too. It's interesting I try to make it a point to brush my teeth more then something happens like a seeping spell of depression and it's the the first thing to go, especially since brushing before bed becomes so iffy since bedtime can very during bouts of the dark haze. Anyways it's going to be long rest of the week, the good news is Belle has been rather good, no accidents.