Supreme Thunder

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I just finished a 24hr water-fast, currently 27 hours. Not hungry, I plan to resume eating in the morning 30+ hrs in. Brother brought home little Debbie’s, some kind of cream filled brownie thing. I’ve had them before, they are okay. There is something about the icing on those that taste plastic-y. I normally don’t mind but it’s just one of the reasons why I didn’t touch one today. The lack of reward.

In other news. My mom and brother are catching a movie Saturday  and having dinner and invited me along. I turned down these things so often in the past  that they stopped asking, so this was surprising. I told them I’d think about it, but honestly I probably won’t. The more I think about myself in that setting I get anxiety.

In other, other news. Remember that hot straight friend I mentioned here? Well he’s been wanting to hang out and I’ve been making up excuses not to. We were supposed to hangout last Sunday but at the last minute backed out without explanation. This Saturday he wants to attempt to hang out again. He invited me to come with him help with this non-profit organization  giving food to the homeless. Could he get any more perfect? Yes. That aside, I don’t know. Part of the reason I’ve been avoiding him is because I’m worried he might trigger my body dysmorphia. Sure he’s gorgeous but he is also tall and thin. That thin part is the issue. If I dare compare us, and I’m prone to comparing, then my mental health will rot away. And this mostly good/stable state Ive been in, poof, gone.

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