It's An Uphill Climb

Its been a good week. the week before week resulted in several old Brandon remissions.  Come Monday I told myself I was done, and since then I've been exercising everyday, staying below my calorie goal, no binging and no trigger food. It feels good to be back in the swing of things. My psychiatrist asked me how I was able to just snap to it like that, having just binged that Sunday. Today I went to the store, I grabbed a box of my trigger snack cakes, stood their for a minute, then put them back. Effortlessly. That's really significant because I've been explaining to my therapist, psychiatrist, and dietitian how when I'm in the store I have this severe internal conflict. I know I'll regret buying my binge food and will even feel guilty walking up to get it, but I'll also have this unreasonable fear of missing out, as if I'll never have the chance to eat that again. Today that was not an issue.


I'm not sure how many of you follow my Instagram but if you did you may have noticed it isn't there anymore. I deactivated the account after  my string of failed attempts at getting back on the wagon. All my posts were so down, and I also had such overwhelmingly positive feedback. I mean once someone messaged me that it was my responsibility now to be a role model now that I've gain so much attention and support, and that really overwhelmed me because I had been on a steady decline at the time (this was mid 2017). Really I just didn't want to have a social media meltdown like I've had on Facebook in my obesity heyday. Ill return to the Gram eventually, the plan is for next month, Feb. 1st.  Once I've truly solidified my new wave of success and dedication.

I should mention. Because of my massive binging my weight indeed did skyrocket a bit. When I seen my dietitian I was 377, two weeks before I was two 370, and a couple weeks before that I was 360. I'm confidant in the process though. calories in vs calories out, and regular exercise. I wont anticipate any numbers. but I know Ill lose if I keep this up. I weigh again this Wednesday as Ill be seeing my dietitian yet again.

My Fitbit wasn't charged Monday so that's why only the 4 show