3O

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Today was/is my birthday, I've turned the age I've been dreading since I started this blog. Don't think it, don't say it, aside from therapy I haven't mentioned a word about my birthday, still it was a bit distressing to realize my mom forgot. I woke up walked right past her to the kitchen, made breakfast, and went on. It wasn't until my grandmother called to sing me happy birthday, which genuinely filled me with joy, that my mom realized it was my birthday. Still she didn't say anything until I later came to refill my water bottle, and she simply admitted she forgot, and didn't realize until she heard grandma singing on the phone. None of my friends remembered either.

At first I was fine, but then I started to really analyze the situation. I'm 30 and I haven't accomplished a thing, and I'm still obese, and I don't really matter to anyone. I really have never felt so alone in my life. I wished I was thin and dating someone because it would matter to them. Its not the day that matters though, but its just the knowing they care, they think about me. Stuff like that.

I began to emotional eat. Actually it started partly at breakfast, but after everything hit me I went back into the kitchen grabbed my bag of kettle jalapeño chips and scarfed 'em down. Then I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, then another, and another. I also ate a jelly filled donut. I took in over 3 thousand calories in total, and I had planned to just make it a binge day and eat myself silly, but I didn't.

The day didn't get better for me mentally, but I redeemed myself for my food errors earlier in the day. I went out and shoveled snow in our yard, as well as our next door neighbors. I also did my 5mile workout video, at the end of the day I ended out ahead.

pretty close though



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