Sunday With The Nephew

I'm excited to go into next week on a clean slate. Today I will be babysitting one of my six nephews, so it should be really interesting. I have pretty strong connection with a lot of my nephews, and I'm surprised I haven't talked about them more. I have two brothers, both nearly ten years older than me. My relationship with my brothers is, not the best. Because they are only a few years apart in age they have deeper connection with each other, than with me. Ive always felt like an only child. A lot of that had to do with the fact that I also had a different father than them, they shared the same father, whom my mom was married to before I was born, but he beat her severely regularly and my family got her out of that situation. Sometime after she resettled I came along. My personality has always been quite different from theirs, I could always tell. But I still often tried to emulate them, and they were arguable the worst influence's imaginable.

They were in and out of jail, got kicked out of schools, had fights with the neighbor boys, stole and lied a hell of a lot. They were both rarely out of jail at the same time, one would get out, one would go in. Still for some reason I still admired them, even my oldest who regularly bullied me by calling me fat and faggot, mind you these were the first words I ever remember him saying to me, so it dates back probably back to when I was 4? Maybe 5, But I endured years of that because he was jealous of how spoiled I was. This didn't become clear to my then-oblivious mother until nearly a decade later, and she wasn't even the one who stopped him from treating me so badly. It was a girl he was dating, she was a tough banana and one day she simply called him out on it (she had a daughter my age and so my brother would reluctantly take me with him to her house), he changed seemingly overnight after that, and things got better, and whats weird is, as vivid as I remember him being mean to me, as many times as he humiliated me in front of his friends for no reason, as a kid, I didn't seem to be too bothered by it. Now though is a different story, I have a lot of issues with my past.

My first nephew came along when I was 13. My oldest brother Fred was going to have a son, and they named the baby after him. I remember how odd it was to see such tiny little fingers and finger nails. At first he didn't take to me well, and I honestly didn't take to him too well either. It wasn't till he was around three that our connection happened, he has been more like a little brother to me than anything. I used to babysit him after school, watch him during my spring breaks, you name it. Ive been a big role in his life, and he is a super good kid, he is what Id want my future kids to be. Last Christmas he got a cell phone, and I felt so strange about it, he is growing up, he is 13 now and its just seemed like its gone by so fast.

My mother told me yesterday that she spoke to him on the phone while I was at my buddies last week. She said he asked about me, and she told him about the exercising I have been doing and she said he was really proud of me. That means a lot to me. Its odd I was able to establish such a deep connection to him, because of the strained relationship I have with his father, luckily non of my resentment carried over. Fred, is my brother Fred's only child, meaning the rest of my 5 nephews are by my other brother. Im really close with two of his kids, Jaedyn 5, and Keiryn 2.

Enjoy these pictures of the little rascal flatts

Fred and Me
Jaedyn, Kieryn and myself. (today I was babysitting Kie-kie)

Comments

  1. It's great that you can let go of your feelings about your brothers to have a great relationship with your nephews. And great for them to have a positive role model to look up to, considering their dads are probably pretty troubled.

    I feel kind of sorry for your brothers. They spend their childhood with an abusive father and presumably their teenage years with no father figure at all, and obviously grew up warped. That doesn't excuse them treating you badly, you can have a bad childhood and still be a good person. I hope now that they are adults with their own kids they have straightened out a bit.

    You just keep showing those kids that you can take control of your life and that you don't have to be held back by your past or your weight or anything else. It is a great lesson for them to learn.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Natalie, the things you said in the second paragraph really knocked it out of the park, but sadly they never quite saw the big picture, and both are currently incarcerated, both due out this year, and I'm quite concerned. Ive tried to pick up the slack that they've constantly left behind over the years, as their in and out jail routine never really stopped.

      Ive done, and am doing my best to be a positive influence for my nephews.

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  2. Just wanted to tell you I am enjoying reading your blog. I can so relate to so many of the things you say having been overweight for almost my entire life and still struggling with it. It amazes me how I can be so strong and ready to lose weight one day and then the next day I am ready to binge. I can't figure myself out sometimes. Those pictures were neat and you seem like a wonderful uncle for your nephews to be around. You probably don't realize it but you are worth so much just like you are and deserve a happy life. Of course I wish you all the success in losing the amount of weight you want and to be healthy and happy but just know you are worthy of happiness and a good life now too. Good luck to you on the job hunting. I hope you find something you really enjoy and that you will have good coworkers and make a lot of new friends. Keep up the good work and congrats on the work you have already done this year.
    Jeanette

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jeanette, you always have such wonderful things to say, its a joy reading your comments. It means a lot to me what you said about being worthy of happiness, because its something I certainly thought couldn't be attained at my size, I struggle with it now, but I feel like my eyes are opening ever-so-slightly to the idea that I am worthy.

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  3. I'm really enjoying your blog too. Good luck in all you do.

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  4. I like your blog as well. I'm sorry things aren't going too well for you with your brothers but you should be so proud of what a good uncle you are. I bet the boys just love you and you seem like such a good, kind role model. Keep up the good work!

    Mollie

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  5. Just found your blog thru 700 pounds. Keep up the good work. Another blog that you may know of and which I think would be helpful: The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser.
    Best, LN

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