1ST

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The day has gone without a hitch. I did drop the ball on the vegetable route but that will be remedied tomorrow for sure. Feeling a lot less unhinged today, the new routine has given me some much needed structure. I haven't decided when I'll begin the exercises, I was thinking mid week, going to start on a lower level and gradually go up. Of course there is a 50% chance I will test the waters with going straight to the level I was before, just to gauge how far in I can get. In fact I think I'll do that. I'll do what I can and regain my endurance. That being said if I am able to do the full hour 5 mile  multi muscle walkout (walking + workout) I'd see some incredible results. Or so I say. I have to try to prepare my mental to accept that progress is happening, I dont want this journey to be like the last. Nearly completely blind to progress I was making and hating every bit of it.

I slept great last night, hoping for a repeat. Being well rested really does have a profound effect on your productivity. A new major development is my mom is going to go through with have weight loss surgery, she will get VSG but she is just in the starting phase, shes currently quitting smoking but her process seems a lot shorter than the one I had (and ultimately didn't go through with). Mom told me it would be wonderful if we could do it together, I didn't have a response and just sort of smile-nodded. 

Im in a weird place over this, mom has been losing weight and now shes taking things seriously with the wls, but I've had this mild resentment over the fact that this whole M.O wasn't around during my weight loss journey, wasn't around when I was considering wls. Under the surface its incredibly frustrating, But I want her to be healthy, as to weather I'll get the wls, honestly its not something in my field of view right now. The the idea of going through it  with someone does sound a lot more appealing than going it alone. But I've begun this new weight loss journey and  I've given myself a 2.5 months timeline to have a mini transformation. Im going to see it through. If I bomb I may reconsider my outlook on wls, but for now this is the way I'm going 

Im a little eager for my mom to get her surgery tho, because I could use it as sort of motivation, treat it as a competition. Not me against my mom, but me against weight loss surgery. Could I match her results on my own? Maybe, but there are things to consider like age and gender differences, but from what I've seen the initial bulk of weight I lost was done faster than what I see with wls. So the idea is to prove to myself that I truly dont need it. That is what this will be about, but the night is still young and mom doesn't even have a surgery date yet, it will probably be in September at the soonest, I do know her insurance has already approved it. We'll see.


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