It Seems I Survived First Impact 😪

Well, my brother didn't end making it to our house until around 9:30pm.  He stopped by to see the 3 other  nephews I don't see very often first for several hours. My other two nephews and their mom arrived at my house about 15 minutes before he did. The nephews eased my anxiety a tad. I was under the assumption my brother had gained quite a bit of weight. My mother and nephews mom had been making a big deal about the pant size my brother was wearing now when they had to go shopping for clothes for him several weeks back to prepare for his release. That was sort of a calming thought for some reason.

There was a knock at the door, show time! It was my brother... And a cousin of mine, I actually didn't get off the couch (I probably should have mentioned I was in the living room with my nephews and my mom, and their mom awaiting, I felt like someone would have made a big deal if I had stayed in my room with my door shut during his debut) my cousin hugged me first for some reason, I didn't get off for that, it was awkward, then once my brother got done hugging my mother and my nephews mom it was my turn, again I didn't rise (I wasn't trying to be rude by the way) he kept asking me if I was ready, I did a fake smile non-confirmation thin. He is referencing to an alleged workout routine he wants to do, he wants to have some kind of role in my weight loss. Both brothers do, truth is I want them to have pretty much nothing to do with it. The idea upsets me now actually, I only had to be at the precipice of self-destruction, and not because of poor health but because of my own ill-intentions (and I'm  still honestly battling those ill intentions regularly) for them to want to do make a difference.

My cousin immediately offered my brother and even my mom to go to some beach trip the next day some kind of family affair (just as random as it seems). I was if course not offered, and my nephews mother seemed none too pleased at the prospect. My brother declined after thinking it over for much longer than he honestly should have (honestly, I'm not being too critical). Also my assumption about my brothers weight gain was dead wrong, in fact he looked like he could be supermans body-double. At one point during the beach talks my cousin lifted up brothers shirt to see if he was "beach ready" only to reveal a 6 pack. I could have been sick, luckily every two seconds my nephews kept demanding my attention and distraction me or else I may just have had my nervous breakdown, finally. My nephews other grandma arrived and once she did I decided it was time to make my exit back behind my chamber doors. I wasn't gone for too long before my youngest nephew kieyrn demanded to know where I was and sought me out and kicked down my aforementioned chamber doors. Although his mother, father and two grandmothers were out there he wanted me specifically to get him a snack. Before I knew it I was back out in the fray.

It wasn't too much longer after that until they left. My brother said we were going to have a deep talk next time they drop by, I nodded almost end automatically and said goodbye the nephews and that was that. A familiar insignificance blew threw like a light breeze, immediately when I'm in a room with one of my brothers that's what I feel and I sat in the living for a while trying to figure out what that feeling was. It had been a while I suppose. It was 11:55 and I was exhausted, but I decided todo my  indoor 2 mile multi muscle walk anyways.

I've been yoyoing all day, I'm having a hard time gauging things right now


  1. I knew you would survive! I think you can handle much more than you think.

    Hope you have a good Memorial Day weekend. Got any special plans?

    1. Family is having some kind of cookout type thing at a relatives, but I don't plan on attending. So no.

      Hope you're having a stellar weekend :)


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