At Symbol So-And-So

Interesting spaces, that's where I've been lately, in between. This is mostly good. I actually think I want to start try meditation, and making more of a point to read my books more. I've been in weird places about my image, from an all time most-content to, things that are or border self-deprecating. I get out of it. I'm a little eager for next months weight in, really hoping I break this 350 plateau, and see where I am at.

I believe I was the subject of some sort of subtle body shaming very recently. I've seen this form before happen to others but it's a first to happen to me. Someone on Instagram left a comment on my Instagram that actually didn't say anything but instead tagged another user. Tagging another user in a comment so they will see a post isn't uncommon, however usually it's something of relevance, something viral, or whathaveyou. Of course the other end of that is trolling, and mocking and to make fun or shame, these things have happened to some I follow.  

A photo posted by Brandon Hall (@brandonwholivesathome) on
So the above is the photo where the comment was made, when I checked the person and who they tagged I realized this wasn't someone caring about my weightloss story and this was likely something ironic going on. Unfortunately I can only assume now but I think I've made enough deductions to make a reasonable assumption. So then where am I at with this whole situation? The picture is a Throwback Thursday picture meaning something from many many years ago, from my higher weight days. I've known at some point that a certain amount of exposure might mean negative attention, the fact that my Blog name auto completes in google after "Brandon who" says a lot. Still it's not something that can really be prepared for, right now I'm in a good place. I can envision the two involved looked at my image and finding humor at my gargantuan size and relating me to some generic pop culture big guy and trading jokes and emoji faces. For the record these are the exact kind of people that influenced me into becoming a recluse for many years after high school, who contributed to my social anxiety, who contributed so many of the image issues that or seeming irrational on paper but have been hard to shred.  

I'm not broken up about this for the record, it's just a shame that someone would go out of there way to be nasty and try, or simply not care about victimizing someone. I'm no victim though, certainly not when I can channel the spirit of my inner Florence Welch, and Christina Aguilera.


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