I'm Willing To Make Changes In My Life
When my therapist told me she wanted me to say this aloud five times a day my first thought was that it was ridiculous. Obviously I'm willing to make changes in my life, one I was in therapy, and two (unknown to her) I'm on a weight loss journey, clearly I'm willing to change my life. As I listen and really examine the sentence though, it's start to take on a deeper meaning. Just saying the words out loud in her office that first day was difficult, why? Likely because the way I think of myself, I'm embarrassed of myself, even to hear myself speak, I'm critical of myself, and think I can't do anything. I associate negative things with myself, saying something like I'm willing to make changes in my life is overtly positive, and hearing myself be positive is almost painful. I feel like I hear myself in 3rd person as a 3rd party the way I think society sees me. I'm hateful and critical, and embarrassed. I get humiliated by myself to myself, it's a hard thing to explain. That brings me back to I'm willing to make changes in my life, because I'm starting to see why it's so important, and not generic like I impulsively thought. It means that I have to be willing to change my thinking about myself, among other things, and that honestly is a journey all its own.
