Time Is Running Out....

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Sigh.... Mom got a call last night letting her know that one of my brothers would be getting out his incarceration in May, that now means both brothers will be home in the first half of 2016. It's interesting because it was originally taught that they might be out this year, but that didn't turn out to be. Then it looked like it could even be a few more years for brother "b" ( the younger of the two, but only slightly). It has been confirmed for awhile that brother "a" (oldest) was to end his home away from home vacation in February 2016. The idea of them being home is one I only entertain for moms benefit, I know she'll love having them back, I personally wish my journey could  magically conclude with goal success by then and me be out of the picture before they return. It's clear that isn't going to happen.  Reminds me of my last few years in high school when I wanted to lose weight graduate and go to college, because at that time they were again incarcerated and set for release the year after I graduated, I'm wanted to be out of the picture. For many reasons, one being that I feel like I get drowned out when they are home, I've felt like I've been in there shadow, and  the general drama they and anxiety they tend to cause.

This is mostly me rambling, will they come home and be changed men? Probably not. I just don't want to be part of it, the worse part is I don't think they'll ever know how I feel, I don't hate them, I just want nothing todo with them. I remember when I was younger one of my coping mechanisms was to pretend I was an only child. I used to feel like I could relate to kids with no siblings, who wanted siblings, because that is how I felt, I wanted a sibling closer to my age. Where am I going with all this!? I don't know I guess the fear is that my brothers will do what they always do upon their arrival and re-enter my life like a wrecking ball.

Confusing rambling/rant over.




Oh I never got to do a weigh-in post because of the internet outage, so here's the latest. Last week 451, this week 450.

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