The Weigh-in: A Trivial Loss

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(Don't mind my mug... Melissa & Nick) this is a selfie we took when I was helping them house hunt in July of this year


Today my friend Melissa had her operation for thyroad cancer at 7:30am. She's been a pretty strong trooper about the whole process, thus so have I. They removed the all masses and she's on the road to recovery, she's doing fine. I never had that delayed anxiety attack I was expecting. In fact, my week over all was one of the better, more stable mental health weeks I've had in a while. I think a had maybe one particular day that stood out as rough, trying to deal with these body image issues. It's on going, thin almost seems like an entirely different species of human to me.

Am I progressing? That's what I've been nervous to ask myself, it feels like I've been fighting the same fight over and over this year. Though lately, the battles feel like altered, mutated, stronger versions of their past selves. I know I haven't taken to everything my therapist has recommended I do. I guess the truth is I haven't tried hard enough to change my thinking, and also that I truly believed that my thinking couldnt be changed... Until I lost weight. I'd be happy with the weight gone, instant change in thinking I suppose I thought. It's a real struggle, this is all very hard to explain. The struggle with the body image, the struggle with the food, the depression, the losing of the weight, the anxiety, it all seems to go around and around. I'm taking the pills, I'm seeing the doctors, it seems they are doing there part, so perhaps I'm not doing enough. The biggest thing is to still lose the weight, but I'm going to try to be more receptive of my therapists cognitive therapy practices.

Now to the weigh-inafter all that, I'm usually straight to the point, not so much this time. Last week 442.6, this week I am 441.4. I lost 1.2 pounds. This number...  It's a bit lower than expected, actally all recent losses have been lower than I expect them to be. I had a pretty low calorie week and this is simply unjust. Unless it's sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium. I'm getting the impression that sodium is screwing up my weigh-ins which in turn, isscrews up my head. I drink plenty of water, but I suppose I don't compensate for excess sodium. I really do have to start cutting out things like chips for good, it is a possible results of being in the 400s that my body deals with sodium differently.  This is going to flip my life upside down as I am now wanting to is I'd nay high sodium like I was doing before. Why is this such a big deal? The holidays are why, not at all the most ideal timing. I need start seeing better numbers, and I think going to start doing my in-door miles again, start moving. I need better results than 1 freaking pound.

That's all folks.

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